Blahbitty Blahs

And...Gone With The Finger AGAIN!

2010-03-09T12:28:00.001-08:00

Ever feel like life is playing a cruel joke on you?

Well, that is exactly the way I feel.

My husband cut two of his fingers last night on a table saw. Yes...a saw. As in, chop chop, bzzzzzz...and....Freddy Kruger has come to visit. (I am sure I spelled that incorrectly; but, I am not really into Googling Freddy to find out.) You get the picture.

So, through the squeals of my children in the bath and over my threats of yanking them out of the tub if they didn't stop trying to drown one another, I hear the screams of my husband from downstairs. Initially when I heard him yell, "Crystall!" I thought he was about to get upset at me for yelling at the children. But, I was wrong. "Crystall, I just cut my hand on the saw and I need to go to the ER!" My mouth dropped open. I looked down at the kids who were all wet and sporting mohawks made of shampoo-saturated hair. I immediately yelled back while I was ever-so-quickly trying to dump full cups of water over their heads. "I'll drive you!"
Then I realized that there was really no way I could get the children rinsed, dressed and in the car in enough time to take Rick to the ER. He was bleeding pretty badly. So, sadly, I agreed that he could drive himself- even though his face was as white as a sheet. Rick wanted to go alone anyway; but, as far as I was concerned, that moment was not the time to be independent.

I called in my reinforcements- Rick's step-mom and his sister. They came over, took care of the children, and I rushed out the door.

A few stitches were added to Rick's mangled fingers last night until the Orthopedic surgeon could look at it today. The good news is: he still has all of his fingers. The bad news is: the tip of one is pretty mangled and may require additional surgeries to repair a cut tendon. Some pieces of his bone are broken and/or missing. The other finger that was cut is doing well--only a few stitches.

This accident could have been worse, I know. I thank God that it wasn't. But, it goes without saying that we could have lived just fine without this added drama.

Now, for the cruel joke part...

Anyone who knows me knows that my ex-husband had his finger cut very badly when we were first married. Although it was "only a finger" it did change the course of our lives and our relationship forever. Like Rick, my ex's finger was repaired but needed more surgeries-- coincidentally, for tendon repair. Years and years of drama followed my ex's accident, surgery after surgery, an honorable (medical) discharge from the military, and tons of emotional baggage piled high. My ex and I were young...and, maybe, just not as strong as what we both thought and wanted to be.

Now, how will this impact Rick and I? How strange that the accidents are so similar. And... am I destined for fingerless husbands? I know this is not funny, but...seriously!!! Is this a freakin' joke?

So, I will continue on with my prayers- most of them I say in hopes that this accident only makes Rick and I stronger, makes us realize that together we can be strong and that a finger is really.....only a finger and not the basis of our lives or love for one another. The other prayers are in thanks to God for watching and protecting Rick (me, and the children) from much worse catastrophes.

Updates: What's Happening With Me?

2010-02-19T21:06:00.000-08:00

First, I will say that I am really trying to be patient right now with my computer since it is doing about a hundred software and security updates while I am trying to type. Although this is one thing that is completely necessary, it is really a pain in the @ss. The cursor gets "stuck" as I type and I have to slow down every few letters waiting on my computer to catch up. Irritating. Of course, on the flip side, I can just ignore the delay and feverishly type away all of my thoughts and risk incomprehensible gobbledygook as the final post. Hm. Who says it is not incomprehensible gobbledygook even after I proof read it? Hm. Didn't think of that.

The picture above is me, modeling my new, movie star sunglasses. As you can see, I did leave the house. Once.

Now, to other stuff. A lot has been going on since I last wrote. There is rarely a dull moment around here.

The children have been wild (the usual) and are getting big. At the grocery store today, four different people told me that I "have [my] hands full". I varied my responses with smiles, nods, and short statements basically eluding, "Ya think?"

Jacob, my sweetest boy with the most gentle nature has turned into a hell child. He is delving even further into the "terrible twos" frequently protesting just about everything. "Jacob, do you want to go outside?" "NO!" "Do you want to stay in?" "NO!" "Do you want some lunch?" "NO!" "Fine, I guess you will just sit and starve." "NO!" I didn't really expect him to agree to that one. I have to catch myself (before I mouth off to him) because this can really be very frustrating.

Nick is beginning to mature and is turning into a good boy again. Are the last several years of extreme frustration actually beginning to pay off? Is there a twinkle of light at the end of this tunnel? Nick is always helping me around the house, even when he is not the one who made the mess. He helps me set and clear the table at most meals. Sometimes, I don't even have to ask! Nick is an extra eye, trying to help me keep Lyla and Jacob out of trouble. Seriously, Nick's turn-around has been exactly what I needed.

Lyla is starting to assert herself. I am glad that she does not let her big brothers run all over her; but, her constant protests can be unpleasant. She surely doesn't back down when Jacob tries to steal her toy. Screams, hitting, more screams, crying (snot, tears, etc.)--you get the picture. All day. Every day. Ahhh...parenthood. Gotta love it. On the positive side, Lyla is still in the angel stage. I better enjoy it. Since she is 18 months old, I know the end is near. Then there will be even more hell to pay, I am sure.

I love that Lyla is so girly. It's a breath of fresh air after the two boys. Lyla likes to choose her outfits, especially her jammies. She loves pink and purple and adores Minnie Mouse and Tinkerbell. She wears her pink sparkle princess shoes around the house and loves showing off her outfits to her daddy. Granted, she does all of this while holding one of Jacob's matchbox cars or a "Thomas" choochoo train. She'll be well-rounded.

We found out a couple of weeks ago that Rick will be retiring from the military after 23 years. So, our lives are going to be a little hectic while we deal with that. Luckily, we have close to a year before it will actually happen. So I am hoping that in that time we can iron out some plans to make the transition as easy and painless as possible.

My father died. I will go into this topic a bit later, I think. I haven't decided all that I will or will not say (publicly) about it. For now, I will say that I am very sad and disappointed that he will never know my children or get to really know me (or Rick). I am very glad though, that I will no longer wonder if my father is happy and healthy. I know he is with God and that is what is most important.

I will try to write a little more frequently. I really miss it.

The Love Bank

2010-01-08T08:12:00.000-08:00

Well, hello everyone! I noticed I start a lot of my posts with that line. It's like....I am talking to my buddies. Probably most of you are strangers, but that's just the way I roll. Ha ha! It's the way I blog- to friends, to family, to strangers...it's all the same to me.

I have been feeling a little overwhelmed lately with the children, my husband, the day-to-day drama of being at home, money (or lack-there-of) and by trying to make time for myself. I am trying to fit in exercise everyday (with wild children crawling all over me, or the treadmill, or the yoga mat), time for blogging, time for just taking general care of myself. Believe it or not, taking a shower, fixing my hair, putting together a stylish outfit...looking my best takes time that sometimes feels difficult or a hassle to make. But, I need to make myself a priority. I have been on a back burner for way too long.

The truth is, the children will not suffer if I take a little longer in the morning to shower, get dressed, do my hair, etc. They will be just fine...and I will feel much better.

It's easy to fall into a stay-at-home rut. It's not for me about being lazy; rather, it's about not caring about myself as much as I care about others. Why? Why do moms do that? I know I am not alone.

It's time for a change.

My children and husband are (and will continue to be) the biggest priority for me; however, without my happiness with myself, I cannot really be the best for them. As mothers, I think we are forgotten about. We forget about ourselves. Our husbands sometimes forget about us. Sometimes, I think mothers are just lost in some dark hole of oblivion-never to be heard from again. In response, moms get fat, unhealthy, depressed, anxious, even sometimes angry or resentful. Then, not only do we become chunky and ugly, we become bitchy. Nice combination. No wonder divorce rates are so high. No wonder there is infidelity running ramped.

We are not victims. Moms just have to remember ourselves. We need to remember our worth; and, remember that our happiness matters. In fact, it should rank up there with that of your husband and children. Without you, the family will not function. If mom's not happy, no one is. So claim your spot on the "important list". Your family will not suffer, but it will flourish. You will be happier, more confident, look better, be healthier, and have a more difficult time losing yourself in the Motherhood. For when we lose ourselves, we are not doing anyone any justice.

So, if it takes a job, do it. If it takes an hour extra in the morning, do it. If it takes exercise, go for it. It's for YOU! Who says that you can't? Who cares? Prove them wrong! Be your biggest fan. Then, it won't matter who else is not. Don't wait for good things to come knock down your door. Chances are, they will not. Go find them!

I heard something on the radio recently that was awesome. Sonny Bono was once quoted (and this is a paraphrase because I am probably not remembering this exactly), You must believe in yourself--even when no one else does. I love this. When I was younger and single, I remember I used to say (referring to the workplace and early relationships) that you must stick up for yourself [when you are unhappy] because no one else will. Well, now I do have people to stick up for me; but, the point is still the same. Being your own advocate--being your biggest supporter will take you places unimaginable. You will become all that you have dreamt of.

Now that I wrote all that....

I also have to do it.

It's not work, it's for you/ me!

Please repeat this mantra along with me,

"Just because I love myself does not mean I love my family less".

Do not let others convince you that you are selfish for caring about yourself and your happiness. You are not!

Your love bank has plenty of room for everyone! You're a mom, remember?

Here is a recent picture of my children...(along with the ones on my left sidebar-taken two days ago).

When I look at them, it is easy for me to see why I continue to put their happiness ahead of my own.

It's Gone!

2009-12-31T19:40:00.000-08:00

Today we embarked on a huge and momentous occasion in my oldest son's life. He's five. What isn't exciting at that age?

Nick was happily scarfing down his chicken at dinner, I glanced in his direction and noticed something bizarre- a huge gap....a huge nothingness in his mouth.

"Nick, look up at me baby", I asked.

Happily he looked up and smiled. It was gone- his first tooth.

I asked him where his tooth went. Of course he had no idea. Dumbfounded, Nick looked at me like I was from Mars. Just then, Rick blurted out that the tooth would inevitably be in Nick's poop. I wondered if Nick would actually be excited about that. No. He crinkled up his nose and mumbled, "Eeew".

Glancing toward one another, Rick and I communicated without words. No one was going to be searching for the tooth. It wasn't going to be me. And, I guess Rick wasn't crazy about the poopy tooth-searching either. Hmph. That's the least he could do! He IS the father. Why do I always have to do the dirty work? Motherhood is for the birds! I figure that job is surely found on the Duties For Fathers list, like taking out the trash and hanging Christmas lights.

We all finally agreed that the tooth is lost....forever.

I told Nick that after dinner I would have to call the Tooth Fairy, explain the circumstances, and surely she would still visit him tonight. He smiled and I made the call. Turns out, the Tooth Fairy was much obliged. I figure it was probably no sweat off of her back...it is not her money going under his pillow anyway. What is the going rate for teeth now-a-days? I was thinking about $1 but I read on another blog that $10 is more like it. Seriously?! Darned inflation! I don't think so. Nick will be getting $1. We're not stinkin' millionaires here! At five, he really doesn't need it anyway.

I Am IN Again! Celebrity Mom 2

2009-12-30T22:16:00.000-08:00

So....my big welcome back to the blogging world. Hello....hello all. Thank you....thank you....glad I could return. Glad you love me.....yada yada, etc., etc...

Whoa! Caught in a dream there. I almost thought I was the Martha Stewart of the blogging world--minus the liberal side. Oh no...not much left if you take the liberal out of Martha is there? A lot of nice decorations and cakes, I guess. OK. I'll go for that.

For a minute I felt like the famous person that I have always thought I was supposed to be. Hmmm. Seems I did not choose that path-not that I am not talented enough mind you. I am. I just CHOSE to be a mom. I CHOSE not to dedicate my every waking moment to a career in showbiz and chose love. Have you ever seen the movie, "The Family Man" starring Nicholas Cage? Great movie. One decision....one moment can change your whole life. There are probably a bunch of those moments that I am talking about in every one's life. But, in that moment, I CHOSE this life. I CHOSE not to be the lonely but VERY successful corporate exec. I have no doubt that I could have been that. But, I did not. I CHOSE my life. I CHOSE a family. And, now...I am really famous, rich and successful--just in my own mommy way.

I can carry a tune in the form of just about any Mother Goose nursery rhyme. The sound will bring shivers to any one's back. I have a glamorous hair style that resembles that just-out-of-bed look that is so sought after by the sexiest of stars. (Speaking of that....now, there are actually hair products that are supposed to give you that messy "beach" look.) Uh...hello folks! Just get your head wet before bed and sleep on it. Fast, effortless and FREE! Geesh! I should get at least a small percentage of the millions...or billions of dollars that go to get that look from products.

Now, back to my sexiness and top star qualities...

I have the latest in "vintage apparel". It's really only because I haven' t bought myself any clothes since the "skinny jeans" were in style back in the eighties. I seriously never thought that my stretch pants look would be such a hit! Now....viola! I am the fashion goddess! Lucky me!

White, straight teeth are also in. Apparently they were not the "in" thing during the filming of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Talk about creepy teeth! And, it was not just the extras with the uh natural teeth, it was the big stars. Glad that has changed and VERY glad that I do have this God-given trait. Now, mine are not SUPER white like just out of a bleach bottle, but they are nice and natural white. Fluorescent white teeth sometimes do not look right. If someone has a tan, the glow can be blinding- very movie star. Truthfully, I have thought about teeth whitening many many times. But, until I can afford it, I will make up bad things to say about them and make myself feel a little better that I do not have them.

I have also noticed that women try to get a "natural look" to their makeup. Uh....once again...HELLO?! It is not natural to be flawless. It's a dream! It's a freakin' fantasy people! People have pores! OK?! Get over it folks. I have accepted the "natural" look happily and continue on with my Mommy Routine For The Stars and do not wear any makeup. What the heck? Why draw more attention to myself and attract even more paparazzi? I already have three children and a husband screaming my name 24 hours a day! How could I ever desire more? MOMMY?! MOMMY WHO?!

Christmas Laughs

2009-11-29T09:33:00.000-08:00

Well, hello all! I have had a lots of drama in the past few months that has kept me from yapping. It has been just a little much to deal with on many levels. Does "family issues" give you any hint? And why do these family issues have to arise when the holiday season is upon us? Uh! Gag! I hate this. Hopefully, as time goes on, these issues will resolve. If not, well....maybe it's for the best? Don't worry folks...the issue is NOT with Rick and I. I seriously thank God daily for that.

As for the laughs...

Nick and Jacob are happy playing Army men in the Christmas tree, trying their best to knock it over. Our pre-lit tree went up yesterday. An eight-hour ordeal was encroaching on what is supposed to be a fun and exciting family event. Our Christmas tree (also about 8 years old) had so many lights out that the entire top section was out and the entire bottom section was out. So, one by one Rick has gone through the bulbs, tossing the vast majority. We figure about 75 bulbs were burnt out. This is kind of strange since the tree was just fine, shining brightly last year. Then, of course, after searching two other stores with no luck, I went to the super-sized discount store that has everything (you know, the one that has 80% of the non-food items imported from China) to shop the holiday aisle for replacement lights. Finally after practically having to fist-fight my way through the Christmas light section, the clouds parted and the sunshine formed a bright ray of sunlight onto the replacement bulbs. Woohoo! Oh wait...there were umpteen different kinds. LED, LCD (no...that's TVs), colored, blue, white, square, round, rectangular, 2.5, 7, and 12 amp. What the heck?! How difficult can this freakin' trip get? I call Rick, frustrated he snaps that he will "do it {him}self ". Ooooh no. Not happening! I am NOT going to be incapable of such a simple task as purchasing replacement bulbs. So, I tell him OK, hang up, and continue my adventure. Rick thinks I am on the way home...I am not.

To make a long story short, I bought a string full of lights and am hoping for the best when we decide to resume the Christmas tree lighting fiasco. To be continued...

The photo above is not our tree. Wish it was. The photo above is not our house. Wish it was.

The home pictured above is much too nice,....neat,....and beautiful. This is perhaps symbolic of what our house was BC (Before Children).

The photo below is symbolic of our home (especially during Christmas) AC (After Children).

Oh, and to the topic I most wanted to write about this morning...

Nicholas and Jacob have relearned the "Frosty The Snowman" song again this year. And, it has a twist. Innocently sung by Nicholas loudly through the stores on Black Friday:

"Humpity Hump Hump Humpity Hump Hump. Look at Frosty Go!"

Gives you a wonderful visual doesn't it? Gotta love it.

P.S. Even more appropriate is that Nick is the one that actually thinks he is singing it correctly. Please lovingly refer back to my post Nick- The Humper.

Love you guys!

~Crystall

Missing In Action

2009-09-24T20:02:00.001-07:00

I have been seriously missing in action for a while. A lot has been going on here. Some things have been same ole thing...other things, not so much.
In the last few weeks we have experienced a death in our family, my father-in-law.
It has been quite difficult for my family; so, I have been using all of my waking hours and excess energy dealing with, and mainly, helping my family deal with this loss.
Saturday will be a big day- the memorial service.
Once all of this stuff settles a bit, I will be back- sharing my life with everyone again with a vengeance. You know, getting in trouble again for blah blah blahing about everybody who doesn't like me blah blah blahing about them. Ahhhh....'tis what happens sometimes--even if I don't mean to.
Anyway, I have not forgotten about my very sweet bloggy friends and cannot wait to get back to writing (and reading) again. The time for my return is near.
Love to you all, my friends...

Preschool: Forced Independence

2009-08-31T21:28:00.000-07:00

I have been missing from the blog world. Really, I have been somewhat missing from the real world. I have been lost in myself for about a week, trying to give myself some resting time and attempting to gain some order in our home. I have been sick with major allergy issues, the children have been the same and I have been just plain exhausted. The smoke from the California wildfires has settled in the Las Vegas valley for our children, Rick, me and everyone else to breathe in. The air here is already very dusty and dirty, now it is also smoky. My throat is sore, my nose is running one minute and clogged or snotty the next. HELP! Where are my darn tissues?

Nick started preschool last week. As with any change, Nick has taken a little bit to get used to things. He seemed excited about the school's activities, new friends, and going to a "big boy" school; but, each day at drop-off time the drama was overwhelming.

Picture this: Me holding Lyla in one arm, gripping Jacob's hand with the other as he struggles to break free and plow through the toys neatly organized on the classroom shelves. Then, there's Nick...crying, sobbing, gripping my leg as if to be grasping for the only life preserver in a bright blue sea of huge waves. He continues to cry, "Mommy! Mommy! No! I'm scared!" I try to reason with him and calm his fears while still struggling to keep a tight hold on Jacob and Lyla.

By this time, Lyla is starting to join Jacob in his fight for freedom. Nick is really putting on the dramatics. He clings to my bum and won't move. He is hiding from the teacher who is trying to coerce him to play with the other children. I turn, he moves behind me. I turn again, he follows. Finally, I make the decision to walk out. I just have to leave. He will be fine once I am gone. Plan A: FAIL. Nope. Nicholas continued to grip my leg and would not budge. The teacher and I make a plan B: I walk away with Jacob and Lyla, Nick gets pried from my leg by the teacher. I warned her. I was sure it would be rough. He can get very angry when made to do something. I worried for her....and for Nick. The teacher reassured me, told me that she had four children of her own (FOUR?!) and was so kind and gentle with Nick. Plan B: PASS.

I can't stand this; I detest making Nick do something that he is afraid of. I want to shelter him and calm his fears. But, at some point, this is necessary. The children eventually need to learn how to be independent of me. They need to learn to stand on their own--attending school is just the first step. In a way, it is a little sad. It is just one little inch closer to Nick growing up. Then one day, I will stand looking at him all grown and wondering where that scared little boy has gone. I suppose parenting is all the same here as it is anywhere else. Our goal should be that our children one day function and contribute to society independently. (And not be deranged lunatics, I suppose).

Today's school experience was an entirely different story. At home, Nick told me he was happy to go back to school and continued to rant and rave about school all weekend. I was overjoyed when he didn't totally freak out when we walked in. He still seemed a little nervous, but flashed me his smile as I waved goodbye. No crying....a little whimper, but not bad. Shew!

For Nick, change is hard. I guess with him, one of my goals will be to help him to realize that sometimes change is good and give him the self esteem and self confidence to weather whatever crosses his path. Starting school is stressful, yes...but there is no doubt that he is able to handle this small little change, just the start of all the ups and downs of life.

10 Signs That A Boy Just Got A New Big-Boy Bike

2009-08-20T21:36:00.000-07:00

10 Signs That A Boy Just Got A New Big-Boy Bike

(BIG with NO training wheels)

1. Boo boo Right Knee

2. Boo boo Left Knee

3. Boo boo Right Elbow

4. Boo boo Left Elbow

5. Mommy of boy covering her eyes

6. Mommy running over to kiss the boo boos

7. Five boxes of Band Aids (assortments of super heroes and Cars themes) ready for use

8. Sore boy-parts from landing on the boys-bike-bar (because someone will not use his brakes)

9. Grouchy, evil, snotty boy walking away from his bike with arms crossed

This is NOT Nick but bears a striking resemblance.

10. Mommy telling snotty boy that he is an excellent bike rider and agreeing to a few days break from riding the new big-boy bike

My Baby Girl Is One!

2009-08-18T12:29:00.000-07:00

This past Friday was Lyla's first birthday. Even though we did not have a big party, she still had a blast. It was a great time; and, she loved the cupcakes.

I have to admit that there were times in the few days prior to Lyla's birthday that I was a little emotional thinking of her and her first birthday. As many of you probably know, Lyla was very ill when she was three months old. Her physicians did not expect that she would live. I was even told to expect her death before her first birthday. She now sleeps happily in her bedroom as a true-life testament that miracles can happen. Admittedly, I am quite the exaggerator at times, but this is really no stretch of the truth. You can read more about Lyla's story here and here.

In our day-to-day lives, Rick, I and the children can get so wrapped up in this or that. I know thoughts of just how close we came to losing Lyla will continue to fade-- until one day, those thoughts will only very rarely enter our minds. But, really, although thinking about that horrible experience can be unpleasant, isn't it a good thing to sometimes be reminded that tomorrow is never guaranteed? Isn't it a wonderful thing to be reminded what an awesome family God has given me and just how lucky and blessed that I am?

I think so.

Rick says that we should not think that much about what happened with Lyla-it happened, it's over; but, I completely and whole-heartedly disagree. I guess it's a good thing that Rick and I can agree to disagree on this topic.

White Boys Can't Dance

2009-08-17T22:20:00.000-07:00

I have been missing from the blog world for a few days. We have had some kind of virus in our home and have all been under the weather. I have been extremely exhausted trying to fight off the illness myself and also take care of three cranky, ill children. Finally, we are all coming out of this. I am thinking the culprit may be allergies; but with no confirmation, your guess is as good as mine.

*********

We dance in our home for entertainment, exercise and most of all, fun. Mainly, the entertainment part is that which I get from watching my boys "breakdance". I am hoping they will get a little better with time or some dance lessons will definitely be on the horizon. I cannot allow this blatant lack of rhythm to go on for very long. And, their moves.....well, you decide.

And, this one...

And... (I only kept taking pictures because Nick demanded it. Then, after each picture was taken, both Nick and Jacob bombarded me, giggling wildly, to look at the picture on my camera.)

Above, Jacob is playing his "guitar" (while dancing).

Can you tell these boys love dancing-- just about as much as I. Hmm...one thought...maybe it is really ME that has no rhythm. Oh no!

Buy Condoms Here

2009-08-11T21:36:00.000-07:00

As you may or may not have noticed (not if you read this via Facebook), I have a couple of advertisements posted on my blog by Blogger. I guess Blogger chooses advertisements that match what the blog post is about.

OK....well.....uh....I am sort of in the state of shock...

I just looked at my site and saw the advertisement below my last post, Boys Say The Darndest Things, is for Trojan Ecstasy Condoms!

OK, seriously...What the heck?!!!

I guess because I had the picture that my husband chose of that really tall kinda scantily-clad girl? See what happens when I let my husband add just a little tiny tidbit to this blog? Now all of the sudden, my "mommy blog" is an avenue for the purchase of prophylactics?! Thanks, Blogger!

Oh well....can't beat 'em--join 'em.

Single people: use condoms. They save lives and prevent disease. Thank you very much!

Boys Say The Darndest Things

2009-08-10T21:00:00.000-07:00

Nick, Jacob and Lyla currently take baths nightly together. I just cannot tackle the task of multiple baths yet. I know the time is coming; but until then, it's like a tub full of wild animals every night. Splishing, splashing, giggling, slippery little naked bodies packed all in one tub. Granted, the tub in our bathroom is a bit larger than that in one of our other bathrooms. We moved them into our garden tub a while back. They were just too rowdy for that small tub in the other room.

Tonight, while in the tub, Nick was putting bubbles on Lyla. Then, he put bubbles on his chin and exclaimed, "Mommy, Look! I look like Santa Claus!"

I agreed just as Jacob chimed in. "Ho! Ho! Ho and a bottle of rum!" yelled Jacob.

Funny. Can you tell my children are big pirates fans?

*******

When Rick and I get angry at Nicholas, we sometimes say,"NICHOLAS CHRISTIAN REDER!!!"

A while back, I heard Nicholas schooling Jacob about something he was doing. I knew Jacob was in trouble when Nick screamed, "JACOB CHRISTMAS REDER!!!"

Uh...Christmas?? Does Nick actually think that is what Rick and I are saying when we scream his name? By the way, Christian is NOT Jacob's middle name.

*******

I buy Cool Whip for topping for pudding. The boys' grandmother buys Whip Cream. Little difference. No big deal. Who cares...etc. One day after dinner, Nick told me that he wanted some pudding with some "Pit cream" on it. PIT CREAM? Like, arm pit cream?-- Sorry, that's the only "pit" I thought of when he said that.

*******

One day in Michael's Arts and Crafts store, Nick loudly said, "Mommy, look at that HUGE lady!"

I looked over and there was a very very tall woman looking over at us. I smiled and told Nick that the lady was just normal-sized, Mommy is short.

The woman smiled and walked off. Sheew! I got lucky with that one--Nick was right, she was very tall. But, for most woman, "tall" is entirely different than "huge".

This picture above is courtesy of my husband, who saw it and immediately thought this would be a hilarious representation of Nick's tall-lady friend. Who wouldn't say something about this lady if they saw her out in public? Tell me: are the heels all that necessary?

True Love- Nicholas Style

2009-08-09T22:32:00.000-07:00

Nick has told me several times in the past year that he is going to marry Lyla. I have talked to him, explaining that people typically do not marry their sisters/brothers. He got a little upset with me and snapped, "I said I am going to marry Lyla--and that's the end of it!" Wonder where he got that line? Well, a few days later, Nick changed his mind.

"Mommy, I am not going to marry Lyla, I am going to marry you". I smiled, hugged him and told him that I would love to marry him, but that I was already married to Daddy.

"Well, I am gonna marry you too."

"No, Honey, Mommies don't marry their little boys. Maybe when you get older, you will find a nice girl to marry like Nyki or Quincey" (two neighbor girls of Grandma's that are Nick's age).

I could see the wheels turning in his head. Initially he was interested and agreed.

Then Nick said, "Well, fine. I guess I'll just marry Lyla then!"

Since then, Nick has stuck to his guns. He continues to go between me and Lyla. I guess no other girls compare...yet. :)

Going to Heaven

2009-08-07T21:59:00.000-07:00

I am back, after having a couple of nights of good sleep. I had to take some Ambien-but hell, whatever it takes. I have been going without sleep for much much too long; so, it was time to have a couple of nights of restful slumber.

Things have been pretty stressful in our home lately due to the mounting illness of a close family member of Rick's. At this time, I will not disclose much about this family member (sometimes everything does not have to be shouted over the internet~so I hear); but, it will probably be mentioned in passing again in the future. I write about issues that impact my life and that of my family--his illness effects our family in a huge way. Unfortunately, we are all now bracing for the worse. Cancer is horrible. Miracles do happen, which of course is what I am praying for. But, as I know quite well, God's plan is not always how we would like things to go. Sometimes the "God, please make _____ better" changes to "God, please free ____ from his fight. Whatever your will. I will accept it". My prayers for this person have not yet made this change. Maybe I am too selfish and just do not want my family to go through this. I know that with time, the prayer will change. Unfortunately though, time is exactly what he does not have much of.

I am trying grab at some sort of positive in this family crisis; but, it is pretty difficult at this time. For now, I will just lend emotional support to Rick and the rest of the family and continue the prayers that the boys, Rick and I have said every night for the last seven months of this battle.

For the age of our children, we have had to talk quite a bit about death with them. Their fish died. And, another fish died. And, four more fish died. Then, I almost miscarried when I was pregnant with Lyla. And, lastly, when Lyla was ill when she was 3 months old, her physicians did not believe she would make it home. No one did. So, now again, we are faced with talking about the potential death of someone to whom they are very close. Why discuss this if it actually has not happened? Well...honesty. Our children are quite perceptive and always want to know where everyone is. Where's Daddy? Where's Mommy? We choose to tell them. I think Rick and I both feel that death is a part of life. As for me, I hope having discussed this with them, they better understand the natural course of life and God's role in it.

We have chosen to describe "death" as "going to Heaven"; even though when I say that I am not always sure that is actually where they are going. Really, where do fish go when they die? Fishy heaven? Or, do they just simply cease to exist? What about the "bad guys"? Do they go to Heaven? That's really between them and God; but, for simplicity, they are "going to Heaven" as far as the boys are concerned right now. They are a little bit too young to discuss the ins and outs of Hell versus Heaven. Come on! Thankfully, I have a couple more years before I have to explain that. But, as for the whole topic of death, there has been little way to get out of that discussion.

Tonight, while talking about our family member...

Me: _____ is very sick and in the hospital. Daddy is there now to see him. He is so sick, he may go to Heaven. Everyone is very sad.

Jacob: (smiling at his marvelous idea) ______ needs a sucker!

Nicholas: (kicking around and laughing hysterically) No, Silly! _____ doesn't need a sucker!

Me: Well, maybe a sucker would make him feel better. Good idea Jacob. (now thinking of how to get _____ a sucker in the hospital)

Nicholas: Hmm...well, I sure hope they have a sucker there for him at the hospital then.

Innocence--isn't it beautiful?

Too Dang Tired

2009-08-05T21:13:00.000-07:00

Hello folks! Well, I am too dang tired to function. I have had some really busy days running errands (with all three children in tow), dealing with family issues, a doctor's appointment, and swimming lessons for both boys three days in a row. I can barely think straight (and that was already lacking prior to all of this).
So, I am going to cut this short and promise to resume after I catch up a little in the sleep department.
The swimming lessons have been interesting to say the least, so there will be updates on that for sure. A little hint: tears and snot everywhere...again--but lots of fun too!
OK, until later...
Sweet dreams and very little tears and snot for you all!
~Crystall

A Boy Named Nick And His Bike

2009-08-03T21:42:00.000-07:00

After my very rough Thursday, I was just plain exhausted. I really needed to relax, take it easy and remind myself that I need to allow fun in my life and not take things so seriously. One of these days my head is going to pop off of my neck!

For me, someone who always blows every ailment or would-be-injury out of proportion, I really have a difficult time just chilling out. So, I have decided that maybe I need to take up drinking. Just kidding. Kind of. Maybe a glass of wine at the end of some evenings would do me some good. That, combined with some old-fashioned sleep would probably do wonders. So, I am working on that. I think we have about ten bottles of wine gathering dust on the wine rack anyway. Woohoo!

What I did not expect is that my oldest little boy, Nicholas (now 4), would decide to take me up on my offer to teach him to ride his bike without training wheels. So, on Friday night, after a few attempts in previous weeks, he had built his courage once again. As we walked outside, I was psyched. I knew Nick was quite capable. He is a daredevil and a go-getter type. He is very physical and enjoys just about every sport. There was no doubt in my mind that NICK was the only thing holding him back from his success. After a few moments of calming some last-minute jitters, Nick decided that he would be better off wearing elbow and knee pads. Done. Nothing wrong with being safe.

I held him up, gave him some brief instruction on the how-to's of taking off and stopping...and off he went. No wobbles. No crashes. No...nothing. I was a little surprised that he didn't do the typical "crash and burn".

I have to confess that when Nick asked to wear the knee and elbow pads I happily agreed and would have ran inside to get them myself if I wasn't tending to Jacob at that moment. It seems silly to admit, but I wanted to cushion Nick's fall in any way possible. I wanted to protect him--but really, I couldn't. He HAD to do this on his own, without my maternal refuge. I know that bike riding is only the tip of this HUGE iceberg; there will be thousands of things that he will need to learn on his own-without me. I am so happy...and yet so sad that my little boy is growing up.

Part of Nick's motivation for learning to ride without training wheels was a promise that Rick and I made: a bigger big-boy bike. We stuck to our guns and did not purchase a bigger bike although both of us have been wanting to. Nick was beginning to look like a Shriner riding a tiny bike in a parade.
I will post a picture of the new bike soon enough. We are pricing out a really cool Tony Hawk bike. Probably $50 more just because it's Tony Hawk. Oh well. It's cool....and so is Nick! :)

Your Blog Is Fabulous Award

2009-08-03T07:54:00.000-07:00

Despite all of my recent insanity, ranting, raving and feeling sorry for myself, I received an award! Woohoo! I guess I really needed the pick-me-up. Thank you so very much Ty (AKA Mama) over at Mama of 3 Munchkins. She really has a wonderful blog full of announcements, freebies, giveaways, and more. If you have not already checked out Ty's blog, it is a real MUST!

Thank you again Ty for your kindness.

Your Blog Is Fabulous Award: In accepting this award, list five current obsessions and pass the award on to five more fabulous blogs. Make sure to link back to the person who sent the award to you; and also, include the links of those blogs to which you are passing the award. Don't forget to let your winners know that they received the award from you by posting a comment on their blog.

My Current Obsessions:

(Really, these are things I am working on obsessing about)

1. Working Out--granted, not seeing huge results yet, but I am trying not to get discouraged. Exercise is good for my physical and mental health.

2. Making Unique Dinners--I have gotten in a rut of making the same ole, same ole things for dinner. Although it is easy, I have been exploring new dinners. So far, the children and Rick have been receptive and even excited.

3. Worrying about my diet as much as I worry about the children's-- I think many mothers forget do this. Remember: Mommy's health is important too.

4. Setting apart time for fun for me--getting pedicures and manicures, making spa day appt and actually GOING, making appt to get my eyeliner tattooed. (Given to me as a gift a while back) Finally shopping with my gift cards (without the children, so I can actually try on things and browse)

5. Remembering that fun needs to be a priority with the children. If too much work occupies my time, parenthood is much too overwhelming. The children need the fun and so do I!

So, swimming lessons started today for Nick and Jacob... Soccer registration for Nick is this week.

Rick (AKA Hubs), Lyla and I will also attend these fun activities.

Five Fabulous Blogs

Loulou's Views

Lady Mama

So Much More Than A Mom

The Silver Whining

Pajamas and Coffee

Congratulations Ladies! You guys rock! I love your blogs and am thankful for your kindness and/or humor.

Just Shoot Me!

2009-07-29T21:16:00.000-07:00

Today was a total nightmare! Even as I say that, I know it could have been worse- it always can. But, as for this moment, I reflect on my day as being shitty. Can I say that on a blog rated G? Probably not.

I should have known from the moment that I got my Special K Berry flavored waffles out of the toaster and they were soggy that I should have just gone back to bed. If only I could have; I am sure I would have. But, that's not this mommy's life--nor will it be for many years to come or has it been now for many years. Sleeping in... I don't even remember how to do it.

But, truthfully, not sleeping in is not the real problem I have with today's events. It was the rest of the day that makes my stomach turn.

After our normal breakfast routine, I had a big plan for the day. I had several errands that needed to be accomplished. With our few stops ahead of us, we all headed out to the car, loaded up in our seats and were off--the three children and I. So I thought.

I turned the key....click click click....(nothing).

Damn it. Dead battery. Well, since my freakin' new minivan with a whopping 6000 miles had a dead battery now for the second time since buying the thing, my patience was running thin. Luckily, we have one of those car jumper things that can jump your car. Since I had to do this same thing only a few months ago, I was getting pretty good at it. Flip on the car jumper, plug it in, attach the jumper cables. Easy.

Problem: silence. The battery was so dead that it was no longer chargeable with the jumper. I cussed, thought about how I would now have to inconvenience Rick to help his incapable wife on his birthday. Oh well. He married me. He knows.

So, I called, restated that we loved him, said Happy Birthday again, then broke the news. He came home, followed all of my previous steps, then decided to jump the van with his truck.

Great. But, frankly, now I didn't want to turn off the car or go anywhere that was too far. I didn't want to be stranded on the other side of Las Vegas with three young children and no ride. Or worse yet, get broken down on the side of the road- not in this town.

So, I ditched all of the errands and drove to the car dealership. They charged me $50--unfair, but not worth an additional fight. Because, by the time I was talking to the woman about the charges, I had had enough argument. Have you ever had to control three children (aged 4, 2 and almost 1) in a car dealership?

Maybe I could have walked them around the parking lot...in the 115 freakin' degree temperatures! Or maybe I could have allowed them to have all of the sodas, candy and chips that they were banging on the vending machine window for? Or, maybe I could have begged one of the several happy senior citizens also waiting for their cars to help? I could tell by the looks on their faces that they were jealous. I know they wanted to be me. With my messy hair pulled back in a glamour-do and my ratty falling apart flip flops from three years ago with my dried out skin and my chipped toenail polish. Maybe they just wanted to be me because I was so obviously enjoying myself as I tried to wrangle the children without publicly grabbing them forcefully by the arm and threatening their very existence while in front of others. Then again, I know...it must have been the maternity-turned-post-child-no-longer-can-afford-to-give-a-shit wardrobe that adorned my fat ass and thighs. Pheew! For a while I was wondering if anyone would be jealous of me again.

Then, a glimpse of God...a ray of sunlight shone through the clouds (that I almost missed as Jacob was hitting and kicking me while screaming at the top of his lungs): my phone rang. It was Rick's step-mother who offered to come to the dealership and bring lunch for the children. Awesome! She brought their favorite: McDonald's. I could not have cared less what the hell she brought. As long as someone else was there-- someone that could rescue me even for a little shred of a second from my personal mommy hell.

Did I mention that the reason Jacob was screaming was because he was trying to squeeze Lyla's head like a grape while attempting to give her a smoosh-my-face-into-your-face-so-hard-you-can't-breathe kiss. Lyla responded appropriately with a terrified look on her face, followed by wailing. Great. Then, trying to control my anger, I told Jacob to sit in the chair beside me for a time out. He screamed too, then hit me, tried to claw me, flung himself to his favorite resting spot (the floor), rolled around for a while until he was yanked up and placed in the chair. He continued to kick, even smiled when he managed to actually hit me, or the stroller. RRRGGHH!

All of this drama continued for two hours. I did find some solace in a glass room that the dealership had blocked off. The room had a couple of very dirty children's books and a small rolling cart with a few dirty blocks. Ah hah! The kid's room! Great! Now my children will catch the Hiney virus (Also Known As H1N1) by playing with these filthy toys. Hey, at least they will not be attracting so many fans. I was sure the paparazzi would bust in any moment for some quick shots of us.

The one thing about this room was that although it had no door, it blocked much of the area that my children were able to freely run from my grasp. It also had two blown up balloons with attached strings that were resting at the ceiling. Great. Occupied. For...oh....15 minutes? That's great! I wasn't complaining.

Finally after ravaging our Happy Meals, the van was ready. I have never been so damn happy to get out of a place.

We went home, the children napped for about an hour and a half, then we had to race off to get Rick a birthday card. We no longer had time to get him a gift, make him a cake, do anything special. His gift was now that we were alive. That's it. We went to the store, had more of the average fun at the grocery store, and managed to make a five minute trip into a 30 minute drama session by simply being in Jacob's presence. As I was checking out, Rick calls wondering where we are. I bit his head off. I couldn't help it. I was sure that in the background he could hear why I was so happy.

Once again, Jacob was trying to hurt Lyla and kick Nick, Nick was fighting back, Lyla was screaming, then Jacob started screaming because Nick was hitting him back. Fun times. So, needless to say, Rick was totally pissed at me.

I tried to apologize, but that attitude was really short lived. He followed my apology with, "Why didn't you get milk and paper plates when you went to the store?" and "Why did you get me another cake? I had one at work." That was it. I was on a roll again. Now I was mad at Rick...and the kids....and myself for forgetting those things, and having three children that are lunatics, and leaving my happy life and career to do the impossible job of being a stay-at-home mother, and being chosen by God to be a parent....and being chosen by Rick to be his wife....etc etc. I could have gone on and on. I must have been on a roll.

And, tomorrow, I wake up and do it all over and grovel for Rick's forgiveness for ruining his birthday.

Do you see why us mothers often go completely insane? It's not us...it's everyone else DRIVING us insane! Can you also see why sometimes motherhood (and stay-at-home motherhood) is so difficult? Just in case you don't know--just in case you are one of those old people who were so jealous of me at the car dealership.

Off to Preschool

2009-07-28T21:33:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I am off to put down a deposit for Nicholas to go to preschool starting in August. Initially, I was a little annoyed that it will be another year before he can start public Kindergarten. His birthday is Nov. 1st, so he missed the cutoff date. However, after I thought about it for a while, I think Nick can use the extra time and will one day enjoy being the oldest in class versus the youngest.

The preschool seems very nice, has a computer room with about ten computers, and teaches sign language and Spanish as part of their preschool program. I am excited for Nick to have the exposure to other children and the ability to make friends. He was in daycare until we moved here about two years ago. In his old school, the teachers would always tell me wonderful things about Nick. I hope he eases back into the old swing of things and really enjoys himself. We are only going to have him in school for three days a week. I figure that should be good enough for him to get the benefits of preschool with some reinforcement at home the other days.

I have attempted to teach Nick a few things at home, constantly going over number and letter recognition, practicing his writing in those Pre-K workbooks and we read quite a bit with the children. But, Nick just has better things to do than to spend the day concentrating on what letter makes what sound or what a Y looks like. I think Nick figures there are action figures to set up in a war-like scenario, baseballs to be hit and tossed, a little brother to torment and a perfectly good pool to swim in. Who the heck cares about the number 23? Let's go have some fun! Woohoo!

Now, Jacob is a different story. He loves numbers and letters. He has not quite mastered actually counting objects. He counts a few, then starts recounting the same objects again. But, Jacob knows his alphabet (recognition included), counts to twenty, can recognize most of the numbers to 10 and also knows the sounds produced by all but five letters. I am very proud of him; but, in reality, I have worked much less with Jacob than I have with Nicholas. Jacob just likes letters and numbers so he picks it up quickly and easily. I hope he continues to have his exuberance for learning for years and years to come.

One thing that has been in our favor is that Nick does not like that Jacob knows all of this stuff when he does not. Peer pressure- I love it. Whatever works.

Also, for a few days a week I will be able to concentrate more on my youngest two: Jacob and Lyla. Trust me, this will not be any kind of break. As previously stated, Jacob is a HUGE handful right now and Lyla is getting around and getting into trouble of her own. Heck, now that I think about it, it may be HARDER without Nick to help me. Oh no!

One Million Acts of Green

2009-07-28T12:46:00.001-07:00

One Million Acts of Green

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Terrible TwoVille

2009-07-27T21:23:00.000-07:00

Oh where, oh where has my little dog gone?

Oh where, oh where can he be?

With his ears cut short and his tail cut long.

Oh where, oh where can he be?

This is how I feel about Jacob.

Oh where, oh where has my sweet boy gone?

Oh where, oh where can he beeeeeeee?

With his round little buns and his hair cut short.

Oh where, oh where can he be?

I am sure I know the answer. He is gone-- only to reappear for a flash here and there in between bouts of anger, throwing toys, crying, pouting, kicking, hitting, and imitations of a limp noodle in protest. My little sweet angel boy Jacob is now hidden, somewhere deep down behind those big beautiful hazel eyes that will capture your heart in a second.

Jacob is two. Does that explain it? Terrible TwoVille.

In his place though, I happily welcome back my other sweet boy Nicholas. He has been hiding out in Terrible TwoVille now for a couple of years. In the last few weeks, Nick has finally returned. He is four and a half and it has been a long road. Don't get me wrong: Nick is the quintessential drama king. I am quite positive that will never change. However, his kind, selfless, helpful, understanding, gentle, and sympathetic side is finally back. Ahhhhh. It is really a wonderful thing to have my oldest little boy back to his sweet self. I was wondering for a while if Nick would ever make it out of that phase. He seemed to be having a blast. Here's keeping my fingers crossed that we all survive Jacob's trip to this God forsaken place, Terrible TwoVille.

Thankfully, God knows me. He knows that I need to see at least a small glimpse of my sweet boys every-once-in-a-while to reassure me of their eventual return from their two year old maturation camp. Often, at night, when the wild little boys finally slow down and rest their screaming little legs (and mouths) for the evening, they look up at me, give me big hugs and kisses and tell me how much they love me. Then, as with every evening, we all say prayers together. They thank God for everyone who they have laid their eyes upon in a long, sometimes rambling list. Mommy is always first on their list. Thank you God for that,... and for my two wonderfully exhausting sweet boys.

Little Crystall Confessions

2009-07-23T21:56:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite children's books, Where The Wild Things Are, begins:

The night Max wore his wolf suit and got into mischief of one kind, and another...

I was thinking earlier today about mischief. Specifically, little-Crystall mischief. When I think back, I think I was a pretty good child. I don't think I had much attitude. Little girls can be a little bratty--not me. I guess I was a little curious, isn't everyone? But for the most part, I don't remember getting into much trouble.

Now, fast forward thirty (yes, thirty) years and I now wonder what kind of mischief my boys (and Lyla) have in store for me. As far as I am concerned, I deserve to have the most angelic children (because I was such an angel-of course). But, Rick (my husband)...he was all-boy. He was a wild child, a rebel and a very big handful in his teenage years. So, if he is due payback, I guess I'll be getting it too. How is that fair?

Little Crystall Mischief

1. When I was about six, I threw every sandwich my mom made me for school into my closet. Over months they piled high and stinky. I did not like sandwiches.

This is described in more detail in a previous post: Snot Rags

2. When I was five, I folded a blanket and placed it over a light bulb for a homemade night light. It caught on fire. I stomped it out, buried it in (guess where?) the closet. My mother came in my room saying that she smelled something burning. I lied. She found it when we moved.

3. Around the same time, I ironed (yes, IRONed) a paper towel on the carpet in our living room. I got a bright idea that I would attempt to iron-out the little quilts on a paper towel. I turned on the iron (full blast-super super hot), placed the paper towel on our brand new carpet in the middle of the living room, then proceeded to iron it. The carpet fibers melted onto the paper towel "gluing" it to the floor- a perfect square. It was unable to be removed. There was a paper towel on our floor until we moved.

4. I was once called over by a man in his car on my walk home from school. I approached his passenger side cautiously. He had his pants down and was playing with himself. I was five. He asked me some directions to get out of the neighborhood. I quickly tried to tell him, then left-walking briskly. He followed me. I went around a corner, hid behind a bush and ran the other way. As I was running, I heard his car behind me. I dashed into an alley behind some houses and started banging on people's doors. I turned back and saw the man down the alley looking at me as he sat in his car. I continued to knock; I was sure he was getting out of his car to get me. Finally, someone answered and called my mom to come get me. I did not tell my mom that the man had his pants down until just a few years ago. Why? I have no idea. I guess I was embarrassed.

5. When I had my period when I was twelve, I didn't tell my mom about it for quite a while. Once again, I was very embarrassed. No reason to be- but I was. I used washcloths as feminine pads. I cannot believe I did this. I know most of you would never confess about this if you did it. Well...I don't mind too much. It's OK to be imperfect and do things that you would now do differently (or not at all). It's also funny to think of these things now.

6. I found a joint that was apparently "misplaced" in a bag of my hair curlers that I accidentally left in our dining room. I decided to let my friend smoke it. I was not interested. I was in my early teens.

7. I was secretly happy when one of my mom's boyfriends (I was five) kicked the refrigerator and had to get stitches. He had previously hung me from my underwear on a closet door knob (great guy) as I was screaming in pain; and, he also pretended to be dying by letting Ketchup run out of his mouth and falling onto the floor to scare me. What a jerk!

8. I left my room a constant disaster. I stepped on my little records and broke them. I left the plastic "cake pusher" stuck in my Easy Bake Oven (when it was on) and it melted.

9. When I was about three, I remember getting a towel and pooping on the towel in my room. Why? Don't know. What happened to it? Don't know. Does my mom know I did this? Hmm....don't know. I also got out a little mirror and looked at my tweeny. I have no idea what I was doing.

10. I found pictures of my mom's boyfriend naked. This was the same mean boyfriend listed above. I showed my friends. Oops. Sorry Mom. I know you did NOT know this until now. He wasn't very nice. He deserved this.

11. My aunt, Teresa (she is very close to my age) and I made a whole pot of coffee one day when we were home alone on a school holiday. I think we were ten or twelve. We drank the entire pot as we played "office". I got crazy paranoid and was a spazz for the rest of the day, worried my parents would be mad at me.

12. When I was about four, the little boy that lived in the apartment below ours tried to get me to touch his wiener. He was the same age as I was. I was not interested and thought it looked strange.

That's all I can think of for now. And really, I think that's all of the memories I ( and my mom) can probably handle. Sorry again, Mom.

By the way, I would be very upset if it were my children doing these things. Now that I have all of this listed out, "Little Crystall" doesn't sound very well-behaved. Maybe I do deserve some payback. God, help me please!

My Pretty Girl

2009-07-22T21:19:00.000-07:00

Is it totally uncouth to say that I think I have the most beautiful baby girl I have ever seen in my entire life? I know....I am a bit biased. And, really, I mean no disrespect; so, I don't want any crazy comments about how she looks like a troll or how looks don't mean anything-she's probably dumb as dirt, etc etc. Just HUSH all you haters and just be happy for someone else for a change. How about... give me the credit I deserve as being the biggest fan of my three children and my husband--as it should be. Shouldn't ALL mothers feel this way about their children?Sheesh! And, by saying my child is beautiful, I am NOT saying yours is not- or that YOU were not a beautiful baby. <----Please notice...about half way this paragraph the paranoia sets in.

Oh my gosh! This post has turned into a slow dwindling away of my own sanity...right there laid out in words. Now, I am paranoid too! Little blog-reader voices are shouting in my head.

Where's the frickin' crazy pills?

Oh yeah...here's my beautiful girl.

It's Tough Being Two!

2009-07-21T21:33:00.000-07:00

As if I had nothing better to do with my time.....I decided a few days ago that it was time to start the duty- or, the dooty: Potty training Jacob. Can I just say what a wonderful experience it has been thus far? (Actually, he is quite sweet and getting the hang of it.) Here is an example of what I deal with...many many times.....day in....day out. The fun never ends.

Here is another photo, just in case one was not enough to actually get some darn sympathy here! Or empathy. What ever it is! Poor Jacob!

Poor Me!

Jacob: NOOO! I scared! I not yike the potty! (pitiful)

Drama follows. Jacob tosses his body on the floor in a two-year-old limp noodle kind of way. Snot is flying; tears are flowing. It's an all out bucket of laughs. Then, he stops crying and goes potty. Well, sometimes. But when he is successful, it's a party. Even before the tears are dried and the snot is wiped we are all passing out "high fives", hugs, and kisses. Then we run at super hero speed to the marble jar where Jacob gets one blue marble for sitting on the potty and two more for actually going potty (on the potty). He knows that when his marble jar is full and he has been a "good boy" behaving and going potty, he gets something special of HIS choice. (Within reason- of course)

Please everyone, keep your fingers crossed for Jacob. Lyla is not giving him much time to get the hang of this potty-thing. Now that she is almost walking, she is trying to crawl all over Jacob (and his potty).

Oh, and another brilliant idea on my part: In an attempt to increase my family's fiber intake, everyone is gobbling up at least one prune with breakfast everyday.

Lyla loves prunes. (Check)

Nick...well...they're OK. (Check--kinda)

Jacob....YUM! Pass him the whole container. I have to actually limit his prune consumption because I fear his stomach will get upset.

I will spare you any gruesome details; but, let's just say that eating between five and seven prunes a day when you are potty training must be Hell! (on everyone)

Shoe Envy Fantasies

2009-07-20T21:22:00.000-07:00

My husband, Rick and I had an awesome time on our outing Friday night. (Please refer to the picture of me above-taken before rushing out the door) As I previously mentioned, we never go out. So, it was quite a treat when we both got all dolled up for the big occasion. We arrived about 15 minutes early to our "Flash-Backs-To-The-Good-Ole-Days Extravaganza"- otherwise known as a promotion ceremony. Really, it was a big party for all of the Air Force personnel being inducted into the top three enlisted ranks. My husband was one of the inductees. Obviously, I was/am extremely proud. My husband has been awaiting this moment (not thinking it would ever happen) for the last twenty-two years. I was glad I could be there to share this with him. Also, it was nice to get a short-escape from the day-to-day stuff with the children and just be Crystall (and Rick's wife).

I had wine. It was cheap wine, but I didn't care. Probably pumped straight from a box behind the bar. It was pink, smooth and well....delicious! White Zinfandel, I think. About half-way through the glass, I was feeling the power! I knew I was a light-weight when it came to drinking- I rarely drink. But, I knew I better slow down and/or eat something or Rick may soon have to peel my sleeping body off of the floor. Not good.

Just then, I was snapped out of my wine-induced fairyland when I noticed a long line of female admirers approaching. I attempted to stand up straight, not giving away my tipsiness. They were all smiling, starry-eyed. It was shoe envy. Although these three ladies actually approached me at different parts of the evening, my own surprise and astonishment (that I could actually have something worth another woman's shoe envy) and my fine-wine-fog spawned a fantasy of one jealous shoe-junkie after another aligned at my feet throughout the evening. Had I known my shoes were this awesome, I would be wearing them everywhere: the grocery store, the park, and the mailbox (all the fashionable places that I frequent).

Below you will see a picture of these fab shoes. For those of you who actually buy shoes that are more than twenty dollars- well, you may not think they are that great. But, for the other moms out there who have not had the extra money for designer anything since the coming of the children (or maybe never)....you'll probably love them as I do. AND.....they were bought for $17 at White House Black Market (great sale)! Who says beauty has to be expensive? I have to say that even if I could afford those designer shoes, I would probably still like these.

Also, for you other ladies (like me) who only frequent your home, the drug store, mailbox, park and grocery store, I wish for you to be, for once, the woman on the other end of shoe envy. In Nick's words, "That was SO COOL!!!"

I Want To Go To Heaven, Just Not Today

2009-07-16T21:56:00.000-07:00

I am going to take tomorrow evening off of blogging. My husband and I have a ceremony to attend for his job. Rick and I have not been out, dressed up for a semi-formal thing in like.....forever. Well, at least 5 years. That feels like forever. We actually did go out on a couple of date nights in the last 5 years, but very very few. So, this will be fun. I hope.

As for tonight, my husband is feeling ill. He is resting now, so I get the comfort of the desktop. Yipppeee!

The children have been bonkers today. Mommy, this. Mommy, that. Mommy, Mommy, Mommy....
Help! Calgon take me awaaaayyyyy!

Who is this "mommy" character that everyone supposedly cannot live without?

Today I almost fell over a large toy Recycling truck that was on my kitchen floor. I was holding two plates of lunch items meticulously prepared for two special boys. After bearly saving myself from a catastrophic event, I angrily told the boys to pick up all the toys on the floor or they were not eating lunch. I know, it was not a great moment for me. A few seconds later, I apologized for yelling and offered to help them pick up all the toys. We did and every one returned happily to the table for lunch. Luckily, both of the boys were very kind and receptive to my apology.

After my fit of rage, I told the boys that I could have really hurt myself on their truck, that we really needed to try to do a better job picking up, etc etc. Both Nick and Jacob agreed. Nick then asked while tears are forming in his eyes who would take care of them if I were not around. He was obviously getting himself more upset even contemplating my absence.

I know one day, I will leave Nick, Jacob and Lyla. No one lives forever. Nor do they want to. Nor does anyone else want them to. I will say what I always say to Nick when he tries to impale himself doing some kind of crazy stunt: Nick, I want you to go to Heaven, just not today. So, I would also like to go to Heaven, just not today, or tomorrow, or anytime soon. :)

But surely, when I am in Heaven, I will wonder why I was trying to hang out here for so long.

Boys Will Be Boys

2009-07-14T21:41:00.000-07:00

Star light, star bright,
The first star I see tonight;
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight.

At bedtime tonight, Nick ran up to me after looking out our bathroom window.

Completely elated, he exclaimed, "I saw the first star that was out tonight!"

"You did?! How cool! Did you make a wish?"

He placed his index finger aside of his mouth and thought quietly for a moment.

"Yes", he said smiling. "I wished for a lot of Star Wars men".

"Star Wars men? I thought you already had a lot of those."

"I do."

"OK. Well maybe tomorrow we can wish for something that you don't have already. That's the fun in wishing, right?"

Nick agreed.

"I changed my mind Mommy. I need to go make another wish."

"OK, Nick. Go ahead, Honey. But, make it quick will ya? It's late."

He smiled and ran off.

Off in the not-so-distant bathroom, I heard Nick making his new wish.

"I wish for.....a lot of swords and a few guns."

OH GREAT! What the hell did I open up my big mouth for? Now, I feel like a complete jacka__. What was I thinking?!

When we lived in GA, we had a hard time trying to avoid the introduction of the word "gun" into Nick's vocabulary. Many people hunt in the south, I guess. Every time I would turn around, there was another child in Nick's daycare class pretending to play guns. Nick picked it up quickly and has not forgotten it since. Now, he has passed on his game to Jacob and now they both run around acting like hoodlums on a daily basis.

I am not trying to sound over-protective; but, guns are not something that I think should necessarily be involved in play. Is it too much to just want my boys to be angels-to not always be interested in the blood and guts of things?

After thinking on this subject, I tried to reign in my own over-dramatic side (if possible) and ask myself: haven't children been playing "Guns" or "Cowboys and Indians" since the dawn of man? Are all boys (and girls) who play these games destined to become gun-wielding drug dealers, psychopaths and murders? No.

All of this boy talk makes me think of the movie, "Parenthood" starring Steve Martin. His character dressed up like "Cowboy Dan" for his son's birthday party because the real "Cowboy Dan" couldn't come. When Martin's character acts like the rootin' tootin' cowboy, the children at the party are only mildly interested and entertained. But, when Martin's version of "Cowboy Dan" starts talking about shooting guns, blood and guts all hanging out, the children went wild. He even continued his story, getting the children more excited by describing "slipping and sliding on the guts". It was actually very funny. But, in reality, part of all that is boys. It seems to be in their blood (and guts)-part of their DNA makeup.

I have spoken previously about not being able to take the little boy out of my little boys; and, really, on some level I don't want to. My boys are excitement, exuberance, wide-eyed wonder, and ferociousness all rolled into two little bodies on short, fast and unstoppable legs. Their enthusiasm and sense of adventure are something that I do want to hamper. They are both always astir with emotion. They are full of drama, love and dreams. They are my two little balls of energy. The hooligans (as Rick calls them) are just plain wonderful--even if they want to play guns, and pretend to chop off each other's leg with a stick, and karate chop one another, and "blow up" each other's forts, and... the list goes on and on.

Celebrity Mom

2009-07-13T21:55:00.000-07:00

I just sat down on my bed, my head propped up on two pillows leaning against my headboard. The hubs is busy yelling at my right. He is taking some online classes and is tackling a class that is difficult for him. So, yelling at the computer is his pastime (at least for the next sixteen weeks). I did as I always do when I finally get to my "me" time for the last couple hours of each night. I opened the laptop, got comfortable, and started my late evening rendezvous with the latest celebrity gossip:

Tony Romo breaks up with Jessica Simpson. (Aww man. It seemed that Jessica was quite happy. Who knows about Tony? Well, I guess now we do. Not so happy.)

Latoya Jackson says Michael was murdered... (Hm...OK?? Let's hear some of the evidence for this one. Not that it is not possible...just...is it me or does the Jackson family seem very.... strange? Is this some attempt on their part to cover up Michael's drug habit? Perhaps their way of bettering his name in the public eye?)

Farrah Fawcett's friend will publish a diary that she kept as the actress battled cancer, then died... (I will NOT be reading this-entirely too sad.)

McNair's girlfriend was upset over love and money... (Oh really, no kidding. Let's evaluate this: She was 20, he was like, 36, I think? This girl was in love. He was married; yet, apparently told her that he was in the late stages of a divorce from his wife. He "bought" her a Cadillac Escalade that she made payments on, her roommate moved out because the girl thought she was moving in with McNair. Then, she got very sad, felt like she was poor (because she was paying double rent and paying for the Escalade and another car), and even suspected McNair of cheating on her. What a shame that she did not see the truth before it ended so tragically.)

Jon Gosselin steps out with new girlfriend, Haylie Glassman (Daughter of the physician that performed Kate Gosselin's tummy tuck.) Also, she has a checkered past, having been arrested for smoking pot outside her dorm room in 2005. Maybe she has grown up a little by now? I would hope so, Jon. She is quite pretty though.

So, why am I so interested in all of this mumbo-jumbo? Why do I care? Do I really? Hmmm...
As I sit here and think about it, I have no idea why I am interested. It is obvious that the lives of these celebs do not impact mine. Rarely, celebrities lives affect world news, so there is no trickle down effect to my life in any way, shape or form. So, what is it about celebrities that captures my interest so?

In throwing this question around, I have decided that celebrity gossip is entertaining. It's brainless for me. I like to read about how complicated and twisted money and fame can make people--maybe because I have neither. I surely don't relish in their heart aches; but, I do find their lives so fantasy-like. Sometimes I laugh out loud over how crazy some of it is. Celebrities often put themselves on such a pedestal that "real life" things are difficult for them to handle.

Celebrity 1: "What? I am staying at a Holiday Inn?"

They sometimes forget that they are living in a bubble. People around them fawn over them, pamper them, and tend to their every need. If they mess up, someone is always there to pick up the pieces. Money seems to open so many doors. According to Tori Spelling, it closes a few also. Her "door-closing life episodes" would still rank in fantasy land for me.

Celebrity life is not real life. It is a dream. It must be nice to live in such a world. I am very jealous. I guess in a way, I shouldn't be. I have quite a bit to be happy about (even minus the fame and money). And, most importantly, God doesn't care who you are or if you are famous and adored by millions. Sheeew! That's a good thing.

I guess on some level, I like to think of myself as one of them- a celebrity. I am famous in my own life. My husband and children cheer loudly as I come in the door after an outing. Granted, that is the only people who cheer when I enter a room. But, that's OK. At least someone is cheering.

Hey, can I call myself a celebrity mom now that I have come to this realization?

"Crystall-- Celebrity Mom"

That has a ring to it. I like it.

Going Green-- In A PO'd Kind Of Way

2009-07-10T21:55:00.000-07:00

We have been "going green" for a while now. As each new light bulb fizzles, we buy a low-energy one to replace it. We diligently collect our plastic, glass, newpaper/paper products and cardboard-making sure all of the glass and plastic is free from "food particles". Rick and I occasionally take showers together to conserve water. Ha ha! No, not really. That's a dream of his...and mine- reserved for one night when I am not trying to prevent our children from drowning, or crying, or running ramped through the house naked (and screaming), diving head-first off of our bed and getting brain damage, etc. I wish I were kidding.

Back to the green stuff: we have really been putting in some effort here. My children know which recycling bin is which and help me carry them to the curb every-other week. I feel like we are really doing well.

Well, then comes the trash man- the regular trash man, not the recycling guy. Our trash day is the same as the recycling day; so, all of our stuff was out at the curb. We have the highest-piled recycling bins in the neighborhood. We even stack extra plastic bags full of plastic bottles and cans inside the bins. We are recycling maniacs. Recycling gurus. We are the bomb of recycling. You get the idea.

OK, back to the trash man....(geesh, I am off on tangents easily this evening). So, my trash men drive up Monday, grab and dump our trash can (only half-full) into their trash truck. I was so proud that we had more recycling than trash. I gazed happily out the window, seeing the fruits of our effort piled high for all to see. I know the other families in the neighborhood had to be jealous. I am sure they are thinking, What an awesome family of recyclers. We want to be as cool as them.

I continued to watch out the window, expecting the trash truck to pull away off to the neighbors house. Just then, to my extreme horror.... I see the khaki-brown jumpsuit-wearing garbage dumper grab our large pile of cardboard boxes (neatly stacked in a pile beside the recycling bin-just as requested in the recycling manual!!!) AAUUGGH! Does he know how many hours Rick and I...(well, Rick mainly) spends breaking down these stinking boxes to put them in the recycling? If we wanted to throw them out, we (he) wouldn't have taken the time to break them down. The boxes would have been casually tossed into the garbage can effortlessly.

As my nose was pressed firmly against our bathroom window and my mouth was hanging open in extreme pissed-offness while I watched the brown-suited man, I further witnessed him grabbing the large plastic bag (full of plastic bottles and cans) and tossing them into the trash truck also. I was instantly angry. Our recycling- to be whisked off to the nearest landfill to sit for years and years and years....for nothing! RRRGH! We are so particular about what we use, what we buy, what we throw away and how we wash stuff before we place it into the recycling containers....effort-BIG effort and time....wasted....gone....capoot... Lovely. Just what I have growing on trees- time.

Right now, you may insert your own favorite hate word describing that trash man. I am a mom, I can't talk like that anymore. But, I can sure think it!

Rules For Sleeping In Mommy's Bed

2009-07-09T21:12:00.000-07:00

My husband is on a short trip and I now have two hooligans begging to sleep in my bed (with me) tonight. I said no. They continued to beg. They have never requested this before. So, reluctantly, I have agreed, with conditions-of course.

1. go to sleep
2. no kicking
3. stay on your side of the bed
4. no talking, giggling, or horseplay
5. no fighting

I tried this one other time, with just Nick and it was a complete nightmare and I got no sleep. He was all over the bed, tossing, turning, sweating on me, laying on me, kicking me. He and I were at my mother's. I will now reiterate that at that time I was attempting this feat with one little boy. Now there are two.

Since I know that these rules are completely impossible for my two rambunctious, lunatic boys to follow, I am sure they know the answer is still, "No".

They are whimpering; they are throwing themselves on the floor. I am a sap. Don't I know how to have fun? Having a "campout" without Daddy would be a blast!

Geesh! I am a sucker. I am caving. We'll see how it goes. I will give updates in the morning- if I survive.

Fatherly Influences

2009-07-08T11:23:00.001-07:00

I have been sitting on this for some time-dealing with it, thinking of it, sorting it all out in my head, trying to decide if I would blog about it. And, now after months of tossing it back and forth, I have decided that I will, indeed write about it.

This "it" that I am referring to is my step-father, for blogging purposes I will refer to him as C. I guess C is really a "who" not an "it".

I believe my step-father walked into my life when I was around five or six. He was a kind guy. He met my mother while she was out on the town one evening. He was in his late twenties (a couple of years older than my mom), had no children, and was single and attractive. He came from a nice christian family who seemed to be a wonderful group of people, stable, nurturing, successful by all rights.

My mother, though she probably would tell this story differently than I, was not quite sure about C for the long term. But, he was kind and liked her. She did like him and desperately wanted help parenting me and had been a single mother since my father and she had severed ties when I was still an infant. She was only sixteen when I was born. Really, it must have been quite hard on my mother. She put herself through school, rented a small mobile home for her and I, and worked nights at a local fish house. She finished school at a local technical school and started a career in computers. She wanted a good life for me- for us.

Mom was eagerly welcomed into C's family. C didn't bring home girls very often and his parents were very excited and liked my mom. So, there you have it- the perfect recipe for a new family, a fresh start for all of us, and especially a better life for my mother and I. We hadn't had much money; living was usually paycheck to paycheck. With C, we had the promise of a better future. I had the opportunity to live in a better neighborhood, go to a nicer school, have nicer stuff. We all did. But, in the darkness, behind closed doors, hidden was the reason that my mother was unsure about him.

He was a recreational drug user. I believe that his family knew, perhaps turned their heads; maybe, they dismissed it as a passing fad of young, single guyhood. Either way, it was a habit that was a problem. My mom joined in and together they kept this secret. It was more than experimental, it was C and my mom doing it, it was more than a passing fad, it was more than pot.

They got married when I was ten. The illusion continued- the happy family, no issues, no problems. I was very well-behaved. I got good grades in school and mainly only had an issue with C (at times). C was not exactly parent material, at first. He and I struggled to see eye to eye. He was crabby to me and I was very sensitive, especially when he was mad at me. He said he always felt like it was me and my mom against him when there was a family disagreement. He harped on my mother about my weight that had gone from 91 pounds in jr. high school to about 135 as I hit puberty and the active lifestyle I once had faded to studying for school and hanging out with friends. By the way, during this time I only grew about 3 inches taller. I think C was really disappointed in me, but I was really not what I would call fat. Just a bit chunky, I guess. My mom always yelled back asking C what she was supposed to do about it (my weight). Yes, they did have actually yelling fights over my weight. You would have thought that I was much more overweight than I really was.

Then, one day, C found out that he had a child (a girl) that he had not known about who was by then thirteen. Everything between C and I changed. I think that when he met her, he realized that it is not always the blood that makes a child yours. From that day on, C was nicer to me. We mended our disagreements and became quite close. Years came and went and C became a wonderful father figure in my life (with the exception of the weight issue and the secret).

I remember as a young child my parents told their friends that it was OK to smoke pot in front of me. "Oh, she's fine". I was. I was fine, but I was not stupid or blind. For big parties several people would disappear into my parent's bedroom for hours. My mother and C did that same thing just about every Friday and Saturday night. It became old hat. Some of my friends discovered that my parents smoked pot. I never corrected them and never told them that I knew it was much more. I grew tired of hiding it.

In high school I guess quite a few friends of mine knew. A lot of them thought it was cool and happily told me that their parents also did. Yeah for us! I guess. The whole thing was just not me. It wasn't my style and had nothing to do with who I wanted to be. I think the thing that bothered me most was not worrying that they would end up dead, although I did. But most of all, I didn't like the dishonesty. It was a mask they would wear- a big show they would put on. Too bad my parents weren't as concerned about solving their secret issues as they were about my chunky bum.

Life went on, I got married, moved away, went to college about an hour and a half away, got divorced, etc. One day, C had planned a big surprise birthday party for my mom and I drove back home to attend. Mom was turning forty. I could tell something was up with her. But, I wasn't sure what. Within a couple of months I knew. She was totally losing it. I guess maybe she didn't "lose it" exactly. She says she just reassessed her life, thought back through the years, and realized that she was not living the life that she wanted. She didn't like the secret. She no longer enjoyed putting on the show and felt like a fake- especially when she went to church. She wanted a better relationship with God and wanted to be a better person, shedding the secret and leaving the sins of her past behind. Within the year, she left C after seventeen years of marriage and quit her job of twenty plus years.

Around the same time, I wondered why my mom left C. He was so supportive, so caring and loving with her. He complimented her and understood my mother and her own personal quirks- the kind of quirks that everyone has that are unique about them. Everyone has them. But C got my mom. Why would she leave that when you can't find real love around every corner?

It wasn't for me to judge; I just tried to be supportive to them both. C's family totally bailed on my mom (and me for that matter). Although they knew C's secret issues, they thought that my mother shouldn't have married him if she didn't approve. And, furthermore, they believed that she should have tried to work it out more than they felt she did. They did not know the whole story, and did not know that C refused to give up his habit time and time again. He showed my mother where his priorities were- and if it were to come to a choice between her and his habit, well, habits die harder than marriages.

C's family still to this day detests my mom. They basically kicked me out of the family; although, still, they deny that they treat me any differently than any of the other grandchildren. Ha! What a joke. I have had no contact with them that was not elicited by myself in ten years. I put myself through college, I got remarried, I have had three children. No cards, no calls, no nothing unless it has been on my dime (so to speak).

Now, I look back years and years later and still have not talked to C about the secret. Not much anyway. It has been now ten years since my mom and he split. C knows that I know his secret and that I knew many many years ago; but, he tells me that it is not currently how he lives. I really do hope that he has changed. I like to believe that he has. I do though, have a hard time believing him. He likes holding that secret.

We talk about once a month or so. Not as frequently as I would like. My plate is full here. He could always call me- but rarely does. I still consider him to be my father and am sad that I live on the other side of the country. He has not met two of my children and only knows Rick from one or two short visits. That makes me sad.

One thing though: I love this man (C) despite his faults. He was kind and loving to my mother and I. He provided a stable home with everything nice a middle-income family could have. We had a nice home, a boat, nice cars, and an overall good life. C was after all, more a father to me than my biological father (who has infrequently popped in and out of my life on his terms). C was my dad when my real dad was not. He wanted me when no one else did. And, he loved my mom and accepted me because he loved her. I am so very thankful for him.

Really, when it comes down to it, it is C that has to live with his secret more than anyone else. He has to look himself in the mirror. Maybe one day he will look and be ashamed and change. Maybe one day he will see all that he has sacrificed for the secret. Hell, maybe not. Either way, he was a very good dad when he didn't have to be.

Not Flighty, Just Off Balance (Hormonally)

2009-07-06T22:22:00.000-07:00

I am about to fall asleep reading about hormonal imbalances. Sounds exciting doesn't it? I know. But, sometimes you just have to do some research. I heard about a book by Suzanne Somers that had a lot of information about hormones. Problem: most of the information is about women in menopause-i.e. not me. I am really getting used to getting older, but I am not quite ready for menopause.

I decided to research this hormonal issue a little bit because I am hoping that I can take some vitamins or supplements to help. I am all about trying to go about things the natural way.
But tell me, when one of the primary symptoms of a hormonal imbalance is exhaustion and fatigue, how do these people who write these oh-so-exciting articles expect you to stay awake to read them? There were many symptoms listed- is it bad to have every one of them? Is there hope for me yet? Am I not actually going insane? Maybe I just need my hormone fix.

By the way, and off subject, my birthday is right around the corner. What a drag. Another year older. I have to do a few moments of mental calculation to even remember my age. Sometimes I am so out there-- way out there. Hey, maybe that has something to do with my hormonal imbalance. Short-term memory loss is another symptom. Ooh...Can I now use this as an excuse for just being a bit flighty?

Happy Independence Day, America!

2009-07-05T21:45:00.000-07:00

I have a feeling that most bloggers are saying something like, "I hope everyone had a great holiday" or " Hope people had a good weekend", etc. So, I will jump on that bandwagon. I hope everyone had a great weekend and a good holiday. I have no issues being a follower. :) Happy Birthday America!

Our family had a nice weekend. Friday was pretty low-key. There was not much action around the house. I went to the commissary to stack up on some much needed groceries with Lyla, and Rick took the boys to the park and the baseball field. They had a really great time. Rick rarely gets the opportunity to take the boys places for a "boys day"; so, it was very special for all of them. They came home chugging big bottles of lemonade and talking non-stop about their fun day out.

As for me, I was having as much fun as possible grocery shopping a day after payday. Lyla was attracting attention quacking up and down the aisles. She has really gotten the hang of making all sorts of sounds and has begun saying a few simple words. Momma, Dadda, Baba (I think that's her version of "brother"). The other evening we watched part of a Wiggles video. They sing a bunch of child-friendly songs-one of which has a lot of quacking. Well, it was a real hit with Lyla. "Quack quack quack", kind of cute- for the first two hours, then not-so-much.

Saturday was a day full of adventure and excitement. The morning started with a couple hours of swimming at Grandma and Grandpa's house. Rick did a bit of yard work before the temperatures reached over 100 degrees while I swam with Grandma, Rick's sisters, the boys and Lyla.

Nick is getting very good at swimming. He is now swimming underwater without his water wings. Jacob wears water wings and for the first time swam around the pool on his own (not holding on to anything). Previously, he was too frightened to trust that his water wings would hold him up. He was so very proud of himself. By the end of the swim visit, Jacob was even jumping in the pool from the edge like his big brother. Wow! Lyla was splish-splashing around happy as a clam. She loves the water also. Too bad we live right smack in the middle of a desert!

After pool time, we all headed back home for naps. After naps, we returned to Grandma and Grandpa's house for a great dinner and small fireworks in the street. Surprisingly, Jacob stated that he was scared of the fireworks and wanted to cry. Rick promptly took him inside where he happily played with his plastic boats from the pool for the remainder of the evening. Nick and Lyla were my two brave children who didn't mind the loud screams of the fireworks. Strange...Jacob runs around all of the time squealing and screaming at an octave only dogs can hear and he is the one who is most nervous about the loud noise.

Anyway, we returned home late, the children crashed without any arguments or peeps from them. Wheew.

The fourth of July is so very fun and exciting. I wonder what it has in store for us next year.

Little Boys

2009-07-01T21:41:00.000-07:00

"What are little boys made of?

Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails

That's what little boys are made of !"

When Nicholas was very little, Rick and I had this idyllic plan of how our children were to be raised (or reared- for those who want to be grammatically correct). Very little TV, no cussing, no name-calling, perfectly healthy foods, low sugar, etc. Basically, our children were to be little angel children with never-fading halos above their heads. But, we soon found that the road to Hell is paved with the best intentions.

I have found that no matter what the perfect plan, you can't take the little boy out of the little boy. No matter what manners you have instilled in your son(s), little boys crack up laughing when they expel gas from some body orifice, run around screaming about chopping off each other's body parts, and inevitably search out ways to injure themselves. Then, when corrected, they promptly get angry, yelling, "Mommy, You NEVER let us have any fun!" Nice. As if fun would be described as becoming a pile of blood and guts. So, I am the rain on my boys' parades. I am the thorn in their sides and the bain of their existence. By the way, I AM their mother!

#1 They would not even exist without me.

#2 Isn't that what mothers are for?

I know it is only the tip of the iceberg. I can only imagine what the upcoming years hold. I also know the future is only a blink away; and, I will (one day) be wishing for the return of my rambunctious boys. For now, I will enjoy the little boy in them both- or at least I will try. And, of course, I will continue attempting to keep a tight grasp on what little sanity I still have, while at the same time I keep them safe.

My favorite little boy moment occurs every evening at bedtime, when all is settling down in our home.

Nick: Mommy, I love you soooooo much.

Me: I love you too, sweetheart.

Jacob: I wuv you, Mommy.

Me: Oh, I love you too Honey. Sweet Dreams, Boys. Remember, no talking- just sleeping.

It's Late and I Am Not-So-Smart (Anymore)

2009-06-30T22:52:00.000-07:00

Hi. It's almost 11PM here and I am exhausted. The First 48 is on TV in the background, the children are all sleeping soundly and I have just finished reading a few fellow blogger sites. It's important to maintain friends. And, it's nice to read what others have to say. Some of the bloggers I read are really outstanding. I am always at a loss for my own words after reading other blogs. Some of them just have such talent and meaning....I guess I wonder if mine is even worth writing. It's mainly just ramblings of my own personal thoughts. Heck, these days those thoughts are often senseless. Children and/or pregnancy suck out your brains. I remember I used to be very intelligent-prior to children. Now, when I read some blogs, they seem as though they are all speaking above my own understanding. They are speaking English-or typing it, really. But, I no longer can comprehend words not frequently spoken in Star Wars, super hero videos, or Sesame Street. And, speak slower will ya? I guess, luckily, I can relearn as the children get older--it will just take a while. I am still working on learning the alphabet.

Change: Better Late Than Never

2009-06-29T21:22:00.000-07:00

I believe that I stated a while back that I have a huge issue. Well, truthfully, I have many but I am talking about the one that involves me not considering myself as someone important. To put it simply: I am not a priority of mine. I know, this sounds a bit silly or even contrived, but it is not. I have battled this for years...and years...and years. I was like this long before I met my now-husband. I know it was there in my first marriage. And, unfortunately, it can be a devastating thing. There is no doubt that this directly contributed to the decline of my first marriage. Therefore, it is essential that I deal with this issue head on. I suppose it is better late than never.

For some reason, I tend to overlook myself way too much. Although the whole concept of compromise is expected in a marriage or in motherhood, the level of compromise to which I am referring is unhealthy. Parenting and marriage should not take away your self worth. And, for some reason, unbeknownst to me, I fall in this path over and over. Now that I have children, it is even worse. My children have become a few more people on my list of "People Who Need Me More Than I Need Me". I have to consciously try to divert myself from these kinds of thoughts and actions. It is a real struggle for me; but, one that I am poised to deal with forever. The positive side of this is that I know that I have this problem and am actively trying to keep it in check. If I do not, eventually, I am no longer myself. I somehow lose me. I, me, Crystall,.... I am someone special.

So, in response to my new mindset of making myself happy and no longer forgetting about my own importance, I have begun changing things. Here are a few major changes I have made in the last two to three weeks: (Please note that some of these I do commonly and quite passionately for my children and husband but not for myself)

1. I got my hair highlighted and cut

2. I got a manicure and pedicure

3. I set up some doctor appointments for myself and I am going

4. I started eating more vegetables and fruits

5. I started a very consistent workout schedule

6. I have started to cut excess sugar from my diet (cutting out fat doesn't work if you replace it with two tons of sugar) This is a real bummer.

7. I set up an appointment for a massage and facial with my gift cards that are from two years ago and I am going

8. I forgave myself for not having used over $100 worth of gift cards (from Rick) to a spa before they expired

9. I forgave myself for the house not being sparkling, the laundry not being completed, and not always being happy. It's OK.

10. Mostly, I have forgiven myself for not being perfect. Because I am not. And, I never will be.

We'll see how this goes. It's a good start.

Fuzzy

2009-06-25T21:23:00.000-07:00

My 10 month old daughter, Lyla is having some wild hair issues. She is having quite a few bad hair days. Her hair is sticking straight up, everyday. No matter what, it is always fuzzy. So, I have been calling her "Fuzzy" for a couple of months. I decided to just wait it out and bide my time until her hair gets longer. Maybe then it will lay down.

But, I have tried to "help" her hair situation. I have put her hair in a barrette-not that helpful. I have tried to brush it down with water- nice try. Nothing seems to work. Everywhere we go people make comments about her wild hair.

How long should I allow this hair craziness to go on before I start researching baby Dippity-do?

Are there any companies that even make baby hair products?

Below, the green version of Lyla.

Mrs. Potato Head Me

2009-06-24T13:12:00.000-07:00

This is a photo of me.....according to Nicholas. He created this likeness of myself recently, then happily danced around the room saying that it was me. He was so proud of his creation. I gasped and told him how beautiful she is while I tried to search out positive physical attributes of his mommy-looking masterpiece.

"And", I said, "she looks just like me! That's awesome Honey!"

Nick was thrilled with my approval as I continued to gush over the similarities between Mrs. Potato Head and I. "She has very pretty eyes and a great smile! Do you really think she looks like me?"

"YES!", he giggled and ran into his bedroom. "MOM, let's put it on my dresser so Jacob doesn't mess it up." I did so, and she has not moved from her perch since.

I tried to hide the thoughts that were really going through my head about the similarities.

I have always thought of myself as rather pear shaped....not potato shaped. But, yeah, I have to agree that the overall shape of pears and Mr. Potato Heads is downright identical. The Mrs. Potato Head nose-a bit red and large, and the ears...well, definitely not mine. I also have much better hair. Especially now that I just had it done.

Perhaps, the most flattering part of Nick's Mrs. Potato Head Me was that she did NOT have a big bum. Woohoo! Thanks Nick!

A Peek Into Our Marriage (Yeah, we're BOTH crazy)

2009-06-22T21:27:00.000-07:00

The crazy-girl medicine that I was prescribed a little over a month ago seems to be working. I feel much more grounded emotionally without being a totally different person. I am sad that hormones, stress and life in general has affected me this way. I pray that this fix will be temporary.

One of the biggest things that I have noticed about being a mother is the extreme pressure, or rather, it may just be my perception of it. The pressure from my spouse, pressure from society and self-induced expectations that have all come together to put me right on the edge of a cliff, teetering between sanity and a breakdown. My husband has tremendously improved in this aspect over the last two years, since being diagnosed with OCPD. People with OCPD expect perfection in others as well as themselves. As for me, I am far from perfect. Now, he could not be a more supportive or a more loving husband. I am truly very lucky to have him.

But, in the past, we really put the FUN in dysFUNction. I was running around here for years trying to please him (and everyone else-like I always do. Helloooooo- another wacko trait.) And, my efforts seemed to never be quite enough. He was slowly realizing that perfection is unattainable but had a hard time retraining his brain to think differently. Together, in accepting one another completely, faults and all, we have really become each other's rock- just as it should be. We now help one another in the on-going internal fights each of us deals with.

Now, just for clarification, I am not at all saying that we have not had a wonderful marriage prior to all of this discovery and change. We have. But, it has not been without some really turbulent times (and some really wonderful times). Our differences are great, but as in the beginning, we attract and truly compliment one another. As long as we continue to make ourselves and our family a priority, we (as a team) will be successful at reaching whatever goals we set before us.

Darn Haters!

2009-06-19T22:24:00.000-07:00

It has been an interesting day. I have been very preoccupied with thoughts of a comment on my last post, Crossing the Line by "Anonymous".

This is the comment:

Seriously...do you blame him? I think it's one thing to blog about your drama...but really. Perhaps common sense should have kicked in before you started to discuss your trust issues with him, his past and his OCPD. Perhaps you should have known about this before you married him....or did you?

After thinking about what this "mystery person" had to say, I was upset and even contemplated discontinuing my blog. I am quite sensitive, I suppose. After all, the comment wasn't THAT bad, or was it? Who are you, Anonymous, the marriage police?

The truth of the matter is, by blogging you open yourself up to other opinions on your personal life. When you disclose your thoughts, feelings, etc. openly, you are inviting people to give you their two cents-nice or not, warranted or not, out-of-line or not, psycho-killer-like or not. So, in the blogging world, I simply need to get thicker skin. One person's opinion of my life does not make my worth. I need to make that my mantra.

I have been trying to decide whether I will respond, whether it is really worth it. Or, really, whether I need to. And, I have come to this conclusion:

My blog is for me. Not anyone else. I am happy to have readers and people who are interested, but really, this is all about me. I need not worry about defending myself to any Joe Schmoe that happens upon my blog and has an opinion. Though, this person is not a "happened-upon-it" reader. There is no doubt that this person knows a bit more about me than I have divulged in this blog. Therefore, Anonymous, if you want your opinion to really matter maybe it should be delivered in person instead of hiding behind an Anonymous name.

Darn haters!

Crossing the Line

2009-06-18T21:50:00.000-07:00

Well, I have crossed the line. The line that my husband had in his imagination drawn for me not to cross about what information I release to the general public via my blog. He is pissed and just stormed off. Oops.
For some unknown reason, he does not want the whole world to know our business. Go figure. :)
Gotta go for now. The rain on my parade is coming back upstairs.

Dangling By A String

2009-06-17T21:20:00.000-07:00

I missed my post last night.

I really wanted to just spend a little time with my husband. I knew he was going in for surgery again this morning. Although the surgery is not supposed to be very dangerous, I just was a bit worried about it all. I get that way now. Too often. So, I took some time and just sat with my husband. It was nice.

My husband, Rick's kidney stone thing has been going on for about a month now. But, as of today's surgery, it appears that all is good. The physician could safely remove the kidney stone today. However, he left a thin-but-long tube (called a stent) in one of my husband's ureters (the tube from the kidney to the bladder). The only reason why I am going into such detail is I must for you to fully understand the second part of this story. The story continues as the stent must be removed on Friday, at home, by my husband or I. OK...what now?! Are you frickin' kidding me?!

The physician explained that while doing the surgery today, he attached a string to the stent and the string is now the method by which we are supposed to remove it. For those of you who can't picture this, imagine a string (about 1 and a half feet long) attached somewhere inside your husband's body and coming from your husband's private part. And the best part: YOU are supposed to assist in pulling it. GAG! To avoid getting myself ill about this subject, I will just say: please pray for us. It doesn't sound pleasant.

After Rick's surgery today, the nurse let me go into the recovery area. Surprisingly, he did not seem that bothered by the thought of the "string"; but, I think subconsciously he was very, VERY worried. We got home and he went upstairs to rest. About an hour later, I heard some loud noises from upstairs, went running up and found my husband stumbling out of the bathroom into our bedroom with his shorts half falling down around his ankles. Alarmed, I asked, "Are you OK?" He looked at me and I immediately knew: the lights were on but no one was home.

Rick had a blank look and fell on the side of the bed, limp. I grabbed him and lowered him to the floor. Luckily, I handled the situation well and did not let my emotions take center stage. I have quite a bit of experience in the medical field and was able to quickly decide if he was actually in a dangerous situation (since he had surgery earlier, he could have been having complications) or whether he had just passed out. I checked his pulse and breathing- they seemed normal. So, I helped him get comfortable on the floor, fanned him with cool air, got a wet rag for his forehead and raised his feet with pillows. Within a few seconds, he was back on Earth and his stark white face was returning to it's normal color. I watched him closely for about another half hour, not letting him try to get up unassisted. He was fine and returned to normal. I guess looking at the "string" was a traumatic experience. Poor guy!

Technology Is Awesome...and Also Stinks

2009-06-15T22:07:00.000-07:00

This computer is having some issues; therefore, my regular post will have to be skipped for this evening, except for some complaining about this ordeal. I am working on our laptop because my husband is hogging the desktop. This is quite typical; but, since we do not use the laptop as often, it has to download and install two hours worth of updates and then scan for viruses. Sure, I could type while this thing is doing all of that, but it takes forever to load pictures and web pages and gets "stuck" occasionally. I just have no patience for that I suppose.

I remember the days when average people did not have computers in their homes...or cell phones for that matter. I know, some probably didn't have telephones or TVs either, but my home did. We didn't have MTV or fancy toys to play with as children. We played outside....with dirt. Ha Ha! It sounds funny now, but that is exactly what we did. Now, we have become dependent on technology and electronics. Our children have some weird need to be entertained, instead of entertaining themselves. Playstation has become a way of life- along with sitting...and sitting....and more sitting instead of running, playing, doing cartwheels and jumping. Hm...seems a blessing and a shame all rolled into one.

Now-a-days, we use computers everyday-even multiple times a day. And, cell phones and voicemail-how do you live without them? I think it is so strange that my step-father doesn't have email. What the heck? Join the 21st century would ya?! Technology is great, but when all of these fancy electronic thinga-ma-jigs don't work, it sure stinks.

What would we do without a microwave....or washers and driers....or a hot water heater, air conditioner, or a car? Wow. Life would be very different. More simple. Maybe,.....just maybe, it would be better.

Fun at Disneyland

2009-06-13T22:01:00.000-07:00

Well, Hello All!

We are back from our trip to Disneyland and it was really a fun time. It was all that Disney could have been...without spending a total fortune. We stayed at a hotel on Disney property that was pretty average-but nice. The hotel was not flashy, but it is exactly what I wanted. I was not into spending our extra money on a room that I knew would only serve as sleeping quarters. We were only in the room overnight and for naps midday. Then, I felt we could spend our money on all the fun stuff: food, souvenirs, and Disney paraphernalia.

I guess we suffered the typical trip with young children things: having to stop every hour to hour and a half to give the children a break from the car, over-tired, over-stimulated boys having two-yr old moments, and I can't forget to mention Rick and I- who, exhausted, fell on the bed nightly trying to remind ourselves that vacations are for relaxation. Then, trying to settle down our two little boys who are not used to sleeping in the same bed and who were enjoying every moment of kicking, tickling, and rolling over into one another proved to be a bit difficult. Luckily, both my husband and I were mentally prepared and didn't let much bother us.

Lyla was a trooper. She rode around in her stroller, taking in the sites and having a party of her own. She also really loved the rides-at least the ones that she could go on. We all shot some bad guys on the Buzz Lightyear ride; and, the Pirates of the Carribean ride was a favorite with all of us. Of course, we couldn't miss the It's A Small World boat ride.

The boys both rode their first roller coaster- one that was in the children's section of the park called Mickey's Toontown. Surprisingly, no one got scared. I watched adults getting off of the ride saying that they thought that ride was more frightening than some of the bigger adult rides. I guess Nick and Jacob were proving that they are indeed "big boys".

The best part of our trip was getting to see the magic of Disney through our children's eyes. It is fun enough through ours- but through their eyes, it was definitely the cherry on top of our sundae.

Disney Channel: I Am STILL Waiting On Your Call

2009-06-05T08:02:00.000-07:00

Today is a good day. I hope. So far, so good. But, it is early still. I am sitting in my oh so sexy jammies at the dinner table while everyone eats breakfast and watches Playhouse Disney. I have some coffee...a splash of coffee added to a cup of Sugar Free Hazelnut non-dairy creamer.

I like these jammies. They are light blue, shorts with a shirt and the shirt says, Love Grows Here. Really, for me, saggy (post children) boobs and a big bum continue to grow here. I am sure my husband loves these jammies even more than I do. What can I say, he must like the grandma look. Thank God! He (God)...and well...he (Rick)...always look out for me.

Playhouse Disney is the morning lineup on the Disney Channel. By the way, I love Disney and the Disney Channel. As part of Playhouse Disney, the shows are really geared toward younger children. Handy Manny, The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Little Einsteins and Special Agent OSO are some of my children's favorites. We happily tune in each morning and catch some part of most of them in our daily morning routine. Well, each season, Disney seems to think that they need to change things. What the heck are they thinking? Don't they realize that children all over the world (OK- maybe just all over the country) are counting on their lineup to remain the same? These children's very well-being is hinging on watching their same favorite shows each morning- at the same times....in the same order.....no changes, unless approved by me, of course; so, I can gently break the news and get the children prepared for the catastrophic event ahead of time. I suppose approval from some other random mother somewhere is also acceptable, but she needs to call me to discuss it then. Either way, somebody needs to freakin' call me! I am waiting...

As of about a week ago, they have cancelled my children's favorite show, Little Einsteins. AAGGHHHH! Even with the new show, Special Agent OSO in it's place, this is quite difficult.

Hey, Disney Channel: I am waiiittttiiinnnngggggg!

I am here...and alive

2009-06-03T15:19:00.000-07:00

No, I am not on vacation yet. I have been in a blog funk. Or, a tired funk. I don't know....some kind of funk.

I have not been depressed (thankfully), just too tired to worry about blogging. I thought of it, then decided that I would either fall asleep while typing or the blog would put others to sleep while reading. So, I opted out. That is not the norm for me...but for once, I had to not worry about it.

We will be leaving for vacation in a few days and Rick, I and the children are getting very excited. Every day the children wake up and ask if today is the day. I regret to inform them daily that it is not the day, but it is coming soon. What a drag it is to have vacation fever!

Hang on...Nicholas is asking me about getting a fishing rod. OK, I'm back. A fishing rod?! In the desert? Apparently he still does not know where we live. I have explained this concept to him countless times when he asks me for a Spiderman umbrella every time we go to Walmart, but I can see now that he still does not understand. Or, maybe he does but he is like most little boys and just wants all of the paraphernalia anyway. Now that I examine this topic, that is probably the case.

Today was a pretty good day with the children. We ran some errands, getting ready for the big trip. Then, after naps, we went swimming. Both Jacob and Nick were having a blast. Lyla was happy watching her big brothers.

Jacob was......being a typical two year old.

Me: Jacob, please don't pour water out of the pool. You're making too much mud. It's making a big mess.

Jacob: I want to.

Me: Jacob....don't pour water out of the pool.

Jacob: (nothing)

Me: JACOB! Don't do it!

Jacob: I want to. (He gets mad. Then, goes over and hits Nick.)

Me: Jacob, don't hit Brother!

Jacob: I want to.

Later.....

Me: Jacob, get off of Lyla. And, give her back her meme (her blanket) please.

Jacob: No! I love she's meme (as he runs off with the meme in his hand).

Lyla then happily grabs his meme and shoves the silky part into her mouth. Jacob notices and comes over screaming.

Jacob: NOOOOOO! THAT'S MY MEME!!!! (grabbing the meme) AAAAAGGHH! (He promptly throws himself on the floor. He rolls around on the floor, screaming in protest.)

Thank God we have gone through this before with Nicholas. It is much funnier the second time around.

Kreativ Blogger Award

2009-05-31T22:46:00.000-07:00

In my absence, I received a blogging award from my blogger friend Lady Mama. She is very sweet to even think of me. If you have not yet checked out her blog, you should. In reading many of her posts, she reminds me of myself....only more sane. Thanks Lady Mama!

In accepting this award, I am supposed to list five things I love, then pass the award to five bloggers. OK, here goes:

Things I love:

1. My family (our dog, Rhett included)

2. Hair appointments, manicures and pedicures

3. Vacations

4. Celebrity gossip

5. Naps

Five great bloggers:

1. Kelly at Kelly's Ideas

2. Kathy Rainwater at Mom's Night Out

3. Mama of 3 Munchkins!

4. Mommia at Sam & Elise

5. Miss Understood Mommy of 2 at A bit misguided, or maybe that's just the sarcasm

I hope you ladies enjoy your award!

The Nightly News

2009-05-28T20:56:00.001-07:00

Every night my husband and I tune in for the local news, Channel 13 KTNV. I like to catch up with what is going on in the world outside of our home once the children are sleeping soundly. For me, it is easy to get so wrapped up in what is happening inside my home that I sometimes feel I am in a black hole. What?! A nuclear bomb just exploded? You're kidding! Both my husband and I both really enjoy this channel's news anchors and reporters.

I have found though, that since moving to Las Vegas, watching the news has turned into a combination of a fashion show and a comedy gig. My husband and I spend our half hour watching the news discussing the weather and news broadcaster's clothing and hair- my husband pointing out whose outfit looks "old lady" and whose shows off her nice "rack". Nice, I know! I always notice if someone has gotten their hair highlighted or fixed in a different style.

Of course, parts of watching the news are quite depressing. Las Vegas is a big city and there is known gang violence here, so there is always something about someone being shot or killed. Here, people also drive like complete morons. I guess there are many of those people everywhere, but I just notice it more here. The bigger the city, the more crazy [and sane] people there are. About a year ago, it seemed that every time I turned on the news there was a broadcast about someone being run over at a bus stop. For gosh sake! Watch where you are driving and get off of your darn cell phone, people! People here drive like they are always in a hurry. Most pass me by. Rick says I am starting to drive like a grandma. I don't think so. I think I am just the only person on the road that actually goes only 10mph over the speed limit. Besides, there is nothing wrong with driving as cautiously as you can. Our children are always with me, so it's better that I am even more careful. I do realize that going very slow (like a grandma) is also dangerous, but this is not the way I drive.

I do catch myself yelling, "COME ON DUDE!" and "LET'S MOVE IT BUDDY!". Now, when we are at a red light and Nick does not notice the light, he repeats those. Luckily, I am not one that cusses very often. Really, I never really cussed very much before children came along, but now, it is more rare. I just don't want my children to think that talk like that is acceptable and worthy of repeating. Ha! I sound like such a goody two shoes.

OK, back to the news...I got off on a tangent.

Anyway, the biggest issue I have with watching our favorite channel for nightly local news are the typos. When they advertise something or label a photo there are always several typos. What the heck?! Isn't this the frickin' news we are watching here? Don't they have a spell check? I don't expect perfection, but come on! If it were one or two typos every day or two, maybe I would understand a bit more. Well, no...I still expect more out of a news broadcast. But I am not kidding or exaggerating here, I see at least three typos a night. It has really become so comical that I now look for them nightly, so that I can point them out to Rick and we can laugh together. I have never watched a news channel that had so many typos. It has left me wondering....does no one else see these? Are my husband and I the only people in Las Vegas who notice? Maybe we are the only ones who care. The channel always asks for volunteers to write on their blog site for recommendations. I am trying to think up a way to say, "Hey, use spell check! Is literacy optional in news broadcasting?", in a nice way. I know that sounds horrible. See, I can be judgemental too and I have no right to be. My blogs are not error-proof. Stop that, Crystall! Rick must be rubbing off on me.

Family Vacation

2009-05-28T12:51:00.001-07:00

I am very excited to report that I have been planning a family vacation. Things have been so very stressful here that we really need to get away for a few days and experience a change of scenery. Our vacations are no longer for rest and relaxation. We have too many wild children nipping at our heels for that. But, it can give us a camera full of great memories. Both my husband and I really do enjoy experiencing things through our children's eyes. They are innocent and everything is new, bright and exciting. Through them, it becomes new and exciting for us again also.

Our destination is not a very far one and we have gotten a great deal on tickets and hotel fair thanks to military discounts. Otherwise, Rick and I probably could not pull off the bill afterward. I figure the drive will not be too bad now that we have the minivan. The children really enjoy the van; and, if they start having issues with the long trip, there are always movies to watch. Our minivan has two flip down screens (one of the back seat, one for the middle seat) for the children's viewing pleasure. The boys get very excited when I agree to let them watch a movie in the car. When we first got the van we had to limit the movie time because every second we were in the car there were yells coming at us from all directions about what movie they wanted to watch. Even for a trip to the gas station one block away, they were requesting a movie. So, I had to put a rule in place for that.

For this trip, movies will be allowed. We are going to Disneyland.

Playing Catch-Up

2009-05-26T21:14:00.000-07:00

I was busy today doing some much needed housework. We have been going non-stop for over a week with Rick being sick and the fun-packed holiday weekend. So, when we returned to real life today when Rick went back to work, the "To Do List" was long. Our home had been neglected for long enough. It was beginning to really bother me. Once Rick was out the door, we got busy.

The children cooperated and even helped me get things back in order. Nick and Jacob picked up trains, little army men, and Matchbox cars while I ran around with the vacuum (threatening to suck up any toys that were left behind on the floor). Lyla was busy crawling around trying to keep up with me. I did about five loads of laundry and stripped and remade everyone's beds. It was a very productive day.

I am not that fond of cleaning; but, it is a really great feeling when I look around and things are not in complete disarray. For a few moments, the toys are all in the toy box, the floor is not speckled with dried droplets of juice and the bathroom sink is not covered with a thousand sticky fingerprints. The time that it takes me to look around, just a few seconds, does not last long. But, for now, while I have a 4 year old, 2 year old and a 9 month old, it will have to do. For, in another split second, the cleanliness is nothing but a memory.

When Rick came home from work, I was happy to report that the children had all been very well-behaved all day. With the excitement over the last two weeks with Rick's illness, I was thinking that Nicholas in particular would have a difficult time being good. He is so easily bothered by change. But, no. He was wonderful. Maybe he is just growing up a bit. Although one day I know I will be sad to no longer have my little boys, I do look forward to some things about them getting a little older.

Then, at dinner, Nick explained why he was so well-behaved today.

"My name is not really Nicholas, Daddy", he explained to Rick. "My name is really Spiderman and I was bitten by a spider".

Ah hah! That explains it! I have to say, I was also so very impressed that he used proper grammar. Was bitten? Wow. I didn't think we had discussed being bitten versus bit for him to get that correct. It could have been luck.

Memorial Day

2009-05-25T16:25:00.001-07:00

This Memorial Day finds our family doing well. Nick, Jacob and Lyla are all happy and enjoyed playing in the pool this morning at Rick's father's house. It was nice to have a such a good time in the sun with a few other adults around to help with the overly-excited boys gallivanting to and fro. There were Spiderman water wings and sunscreen globs everywhere. Lyla was kicking and splashing, smiling ear to ear. My husband, Rick is still having some post-surgical pain; but, thankfully, he is doing much better. I was enjoying the help, the sunshine, and having a ball watching the boys enjoy themselves so much in the pool.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank service members, veterans and military family members for the often unfair sacrifices they have made and continue to make for our country and the people who live here. What bothers me most about those sacrifices is that I feel they are often overlooked. In this country so many people take our freedoms for granted, not realizing (or not caring) about the fact that others are losing their lives for them. And really, life itself is only one of the potential sacrifices. Marriages are difficult and parenting can be even more challenging with frequent separations; and, time apart is part of most military lives.

Also, I really cannot figure why so many people look down on military service members. Is it that they know that the military does not pay well? Or maybe they think that service personnel are uneducated and ignorant. I don't know. Whatever the reason, it's a shame.

There is another thankless job besides being a mother: being a military service member.

***********

One question: When I make a comment on other blog posts, there is a word verification step. Are those words actually found in a dictionary? Apparently, I really need to expand my vocabulary.

I Won on Momlogic!

2009-05-21T22:10:00.000-07:00

OK, I am totally surprised! I just checked on the Momlogic web site to which I belong and I won a prize! How cool is that?! I never win prizes! NEVER!

The contest required that you write about the first reaction you had when you discovered you were pregnant.

Here is my response:

I would love to say I was overjoyed; I would love to mention that I was glowing with happiness, smiling from ear to ear. I would love to say that at that moment, I gleefully rushed down the stairs to broadcast the good news......but I did not. I was holding the pregnancy test in my shaking hand, trying to gulp down the huge lump I had in my throat. I was horrified. I was terrified. I could not move. I was in disbelief and struggled to recall the last time I had even had sex. It was twice. It was only TWO times since the birth of my son, Jacob, who at that time was 7 months old. Only twice had I even thought of sex. In that instant, in that brief moment, I felt my life was over. I burst out crying. I walked slowly down the stairs, sobbing harder and louder with each step. As soon as my husband saw me, he knew. He knew I was going to the bathroom to pee on the white stick, so he knew when I returned blubbering like a child that we were pregnant, again. It took me a couple of weeks to get over the sadness. Now, I am so sorry that was my initial reaction. But, it was raw. It was me. I felt like I was just not ready yet. I was not sure if I even wanted three children. I had never imagined having three. But, that is now exactly what we have. The best part of my story is, we are so very very happy.Now, we have our girl; the other two children are boys, and we could not be more excited about how our unexpected surprise has brought so much joy to our lives.Now, my husband and I joke that he must have walked by the bed on the right night at the right moment- that is how fertile we are!

And with that...I won!!! On it's way to me is personalized stationery from the Nesting Shoppe. Nesting Shoppe has provided custom invitations and stationery for celebs Trista Sutter and Charlie Sheen. So, it MUST be cool! My prize is valued at $50.

I will have to promptly get off of this computer and think up some people to write little notes to on my new stationery. I also should gather the children up for a trip to the office supply store for a fancy pen! Thanks Momlogic!

Surgery

2009-05-21T20:21:00.001-07:00

Rick, my husband, had surgery today. He is doing and feeling well. The surgery went as planned with no complications. I truly thank God.

I wrote about Rick's diagnosis of a kidney stone a few days back. It is turning out to be more than just a kidney stone....if you can say just in that sentence. He had a narrowing in one of his ureters (the tube leading from the kidney to the bladder). His surgery today was to place a stent in that tube to help to hold it open. The kidney stone is a bit above the stent. The physician is not sure if the stone will pass on its own- further testing and procedures will be in the future.

The biggest worry that I have is the abnormal blood work that has been collected. Rick's lab work suggests that he could be in renal failure. His physician suggested that the issue may totally clear up now that Rick has the stent in place. I am really praying for that. My husband is a very healthy and active individual. A diagnosis such as renal failure would completely devastate him and our family (understandably). Any age it seems a shame to be given such a diagnosis. But surely, 40 seems way too young for renal failure in an otherwise healthy-living individual.

Rick is being kept an inpatient until lab work is done in the morning. At that time, his urologist will make a decision and consult a nephrologist (kidney specialist) if needed.

Like I said before, when it rains it pours.

When It Rains...

2009-05-20T21:23:00.000-07:00

When it rains, it pours.

I am tired. I started taking my crazy girl pills thinking that I need to at least try them and see what I think. I shouldn't be against what the doctor suggests for me. So, now I am living with the relatively small side effects. I am more tired...how is that even possible? And, I am nauseated (not horrible like during my pregnancies), but no amount of nausea is fun. I am very sensitive to medications, so I anticipated feeling a bit strange for a while. I had to reschedule some of my tests. My insanity is not going anywhere and can be followed up next week. My husband's health issues are, at this time, more serious.

My husband is still trying to get over his kidney stone incident. He has been at home for two days in bed. Occasionally he seems to come out of his groggy slumber to join the real world and drink cranberry juice. He has some additional testing tomorrow. I am praying that things will go well. I am not sure if the stone is affecting his kidney function or he is getting stones from decreased kidney function, but one or the other is the case.

For two relatively healthy individuals, my husband and I are having a bit of a tough time. Neither of us get ill very often. I suppose I should be thankful that my children are well (knock on wood). Ahh, just another bit of the ups and downs of life.

I apologize for the short post. I am just too tired to think straight.

The Boys Are A Team

2009-05-18T22:22:00.000-07:00

The boys have been on a roll being wild men. Nick is just getting to the age where he knows how to act like a gentleman. However, he is easily influenced by Jacob.

Jacob, on the other hand, is two. He objects to just about everything.

"Jacob, let's go upstairs to get dressed."

"No!"

"Yes, Jacob, we need to go bye bye".

"NO!"

"JACOB, DO IT NOW!"

"NO!" (I pick him up, trying to quickly get him dressed.)

"Do NOT kick Mommy! I am trying to get your pants on. We need to leave."

"No!" He thinks for a while, then says, "Where we goin'?"
(I know he was hoping for a "McDonald's" or "the park" response.)

"To get Daddy's medicine."

"No! I go outside."

"No Honey, we need Daddy's medicine. We'll go out later. Now let's get on shoes."

"No!"

Jacob kicks and screams as I pick him up and load him into the car seat and put on his shoes once he is buckled in. He is very objectionable these days. It is very very difficult at times.

Fortunately for my husband and I, Nick has recently become very supportive of his brother. He is now totally on Jacob's side and they have become an inseparable team....against us.

A Fun-Packed Weekend

2009-05-17T23:30:00.001-07:00

Yes, I know.....the blog is not pimped. What a difficult task that has turned into. I purchased the files and attempted to complete the "pimping" and there was some kind of error with the files. So, now, I must wait to hear back from the company. Oh well. Now, my screen is just white....BORING! I will get over it; at least I have three columns now! Hopefully, this transition will not take me forever to complete and will be worth the wait. I wish I had the luxury of sitting in front of the computer all day to fix this issue, but I don't.

OH, and other things we did this weekend....

I went to the MIX 94.1 Kids Mix festival on Saturday with the children in 105 degree weather in the middle of the (frickin') desert at 12 noon. Nice idea that was! No shade... $3 bottled water

Ugh! I will expand on this outing soon. I took a bunch of pictures.

And today...by far the most fun of the two days.....

My husband and I went and bought some cacti, palms and desert-friendly flowering shrubs for the front yard. We were sick of how our front yard looks so bare. We have been putting this off (even though both my husband and I really enjoy doing landscaping) because we are renting and do not like putting our money into someone else's home. But, we could not wait any more. So, after working out in the front yard [again in 105 degree heat] for three hours, we both came in sweating and eager to cool down. Within moments, my husband starting feeling badly, having increasingly intense pain in his lower back. A few minutes later, he was doubled over in pain, barely able to walk, nauseated and sweating profusely.

Off to the ER we rushed. I ran one stop sign and two red lights on the way. I figure I safely ran them though (if there is a such thing)-because no cars were coming in the opposite direction. I do not do this...but I was not going to wait at a red light waiting on no one to pass while my husband was in so much pain. I needed to be able to blink and get us there "I Dream of Jeanie" style. Nicholas, since he is an excellent driver, made sure to point out my driving skills were really lacking by screaming from his carseat each time I disobeyed a rule of the road. Thank God he was there to point out my errors, or I surely would have never noticed.

After nearly two hours of average fun at the ER on a Sunday evening with three children running around making friends with all of the swine flu patients, I decided to get my step mother-in-law meet me at home to watch the children, get them fed and put them to sleep while I went back to help Rick. It worked; but I'll tell ya, it was no thanks to the customer service in that place!

Bottom line, I am writing this post at midnight on Sunday evening because I just got home. Rick is now snoring very loudly on the bed after taking quite a bit of narcotics to cope with the pain of passing a kidney stone.

I have a lot of drama. Always have. When will it end? I read in a magazine once a long time ago that drama queens bring on the drama themselves. Obviously, I was quite bothered by that news since I have chosen to ignore two very important facts about that statement:

1. I read that over ten years ago

2. The source was an entertainment magazine (I think Cosmo)- therefore the reliability of the source can be questioned

Does having a lot of drama make me a drama queen?

Pimping My Blog

2009-05-15T23:08:00.000-07:00

My page is currently under construction.

I am working on "pimping" my blog page this weekend. I am hoping to have all of this completed by Sunday evening. I am not going to rush this process because I will surely mess it up if I do.
Have a wonderful weekend!
~Crystall

Bug Fiasco- GROSS!

2009-05-15T13:12:00.000-07:00

I was reading a recent post on Moody Mommy's blog site about head lice. I know, I am sure all of you are just dying to read about such a subject. But, reading her post really got me thinking about my head lice experience way back when. My story is actually so gross, I considered not posting about it. But hell, I disclose most everything else here. Why not? But, if you are easily grossed out, then, don't read this. I will move on to another less-disgusting subject tomorrow.

I have added Moody Mommy's link below. Her blog is a good one, which is also evident in the number of followers she has.

A long time ago far, far away.....

Da da da daaaaa da da daaaaaH! (Sorry- flashbacks to the StarWars movie. We watch that movie WAY too much around my house).

When I was nineteen and engaged to my high school sweet heart, I was trying to get together wedding supplies. I wanted to make the head piece for the flower girl (the groom-to-be's 2 or 3yr old niece). I got busy gathering the supplies, making the twisted vine head piece, adorned with pink flowers and ribbon. It was very pretty. My flower girl thought so too, as I placed it on her head several months prior to the wedding for a fitting. She giggled and then put the head piece on my head.

A couple of days later, my head was itching horribly. Because I had experienced some allergy related issues with shampoos, I assumed that was the problem. You know what they say about assuming. It makes an ASS out of U and ME- and so it did. I went to the doctor after getting so frustrated with the itching. The physician again declared that he thought I had an allergy to shampoo and prescribed me with medicated shampoo. Months and months later, I was still dealing with it. I could not stand the itching, but what was I to do? I switched shampoos over and over and over. Months passed. I even noticed that where my hair was touching my back, the skin was beginning to turn red and itch. I constantly wore my hair up so as to not irritate my skin.

Anyway, as you have probably guessed, I figured out that I had head lice- no doubt contracted from the flower girl. By the way, her mother got rid of her head lice case months and months prior....and me, a nineteen yr old woman (kinda) was dealing with it for a long long time unknowingly. YUCK! I was so grossed out that it had gone on for so long. I wanted to burn all of my clothes and sheets from my bed. I was crying and completely mortified. I begged my mom to go to the store to get me some RID because I worked at the closest grocery store and I didn't want my friends to know. My mom was also disgusted, but reluctantly agreed. My mom helped me comb through my hair- at that time was past my shoulders in length. What a mess! I didn't even want to tell my fiance- I was so embarrassed and ashamed. But, I wanted to be honest with him, so I told him. I am not sure how he understood what I was saying because I was sobbing hysterically. He, of course, couldn't figure out why I didn't want to tell him. He was sweet and made me feel better, thankfully.

Well, when you mothers are out there combing through your child's hair trying to remove all of the bugs and nits, just be thankful that it is not your hair that you are combing through.
And, if it is your hair you are combing through,....I can surely empathize [or is it sympathize?] with you.

By the way, I was just looking for a few photos to include in this post; but, they are so creepy and disgusting that I cannot bring myself to include them. Talking about lice is one thing....looking at them (even in a photo) is another! I have to go now- I am extremely itchy after writing about this and looking at those pictures. I will now go look through my hair in the mirror, just like I always do if I get the slightest case of itchiness. Those suckers will not fool me twice!

The Doctor's Appointment

2009-05-14T19:43:00.000-07:00

I went to the doctor today because I have been increasing moody since giving birth to Lyla. I have found myself very depressed and irritable- overly stressed about everything. Since having Lyla and getting my tubes tied, I have not had to resort to birth control pills-something that has been a part of my life for a long time. All of this moodiness left me wondering, Is this who I really am [off of hormones]? I am a much less stable person. I decided that I needed to just get a few things checked and make sure that I am not off of my rocker for some other reason.

My OB/GYN agreed that the issue is probably hormones and increased stress combined with little rest, but he took some blood and scheduled a couple of tests over the next couple of weeks. He also told me that because I have migraine headaches with a aura (visual disturbances), he will not give me a prescription for a low dose birth control pill until the headaches are evaluated by another physician. Bummer. He further explained that he believes the pill would probably alleviate most of my issues- but again, he won't give me any. RRGGH! It's not like I have all the time in the world to schedule doctor's appointments going here and there and everywhere traipsing three small children around. If I get lucky and find someone to watch them-i.e. my husband, he is not in town very often. I am also stuck in the weird rut where I feel guilty every time I ask anyone to watch the children. I need to get over that.

Another thing that was not-so-great was that my blood pressure was sky high. I have never had any issues with my blood pressure. But, again, I believe my nerves are just shot and my stress level has reached a new level. So, for my own health, I better get to caring about myself as much as I care for my children- and chill out. If my blood pressure has not improved by my next visit, I will add that to the list of things that needs to be discussed with the other doctor.

So, all in all it was a visit that did not really hold much good news. I am not sure what I wanted. Did I expect that I would walk out of there cheerful and rejuvenated? But, I did some medication that is supposed to help with hormone-related moodiness. I am not a medication lover, so I am sure if more than a few seconds come up and I feel back to normal, I will promptly discontinue taking them. I know, I am a horrible patient. I just do not want to take medications unless I really need them.

I will keep everyone informed as I find out more info and results from my tests. I am sure nothing is seriously wrong. I just need a tall glass of wine to sip while in a bubble bath (in a bathroom that overlooks a white sand-covered beach with crystal blue waves crashing on the shore). The children can be present in this dream-but they are just snuggled in their beds in an adjacent room dreaming of castles at Disneyland and sleeping until at least 8AM.

Going to the Doctor

2009-05-13T22:50:00.000-07:00

Well, now after my last post, I decided that I needed to schedule a short, unaccompanied drive straight to the doctor's office.

Tomorrow at 8:45am, I will be sitting in my physician's office, spilling all of my drama. Who knows? Maybe I am normal and I have just gotten over-tired. I guess I could have some kind of hormonal issue. I have always said that any time I act really wacky it is surely due to hormones.

Anyway, I will return tomorrow with updates on my sanity. That is, if I find out anything. Ooh! Maybe I will conveniently "get lost" on the way home and take myself out to lunch. Hmmm, sounds quiet, maybe a little lonely- I'll get over it.

Mommy Blues

2009-05-12T09:27:00.000-07:00

It is OK to say that I am sad today?
Is it alright to be depressed when really I do love my family more than life itself?
Is it acceptable to say that I would never trade a thing...not one thing....
and still...I am sad?

I am having mommy blues today. Actually I have been having these blues for a while. I am not quite sure what is going on here- is this too late for postpartum depression?

I consider myself quite strong, supportive and constant; but sometimes, things bother me too. Sometimes it is hard to be the strong one. Sometimes it is tough to be the "go to" person all the time. It is sometimes really hard to be Mommy. Sometimes it is hard to be the ever-supportive wife.

Is it OK to say that I get tired of never eating a warm meal? Is it alright to say that it gets old to always be eating while standing, doling out everyone else's food- that is.. if I get to eat, if someone else doesn't demand what is on my plate. And then, two hours after first realizing that my stomach is growling, I finally get to eat and it is hurried by a tired and crying baby or two little boys who never seem satisfied. Nothing that I do now is for me. I have nothing outside of my family. No career. No friends. No....anything, without them. I am sad to even admit that sometimes I think they are not enough. Am I horrible to think like that?

I couldn't even manage to mail out stuff for Mother's Day on time. Now, my mother and mother-in-law probably think I do not care to even think of them. But I do. They are just last in line behind my children and my husband. They are in line right where I am. And, that will not change.

I want to take care of myself. I want to do things that are fulfilling for me personally- things that do not have anything to do with my children or husband. I want to have some little part of me that is reserved-some little shred of myself that is only dedicated to me. But, it seems too much to ask when I am a mother. Besides, by the time I am done doing all that needs to be done, there is no longer the time, the energy, or the motivation for those "me" things. Is it OK to say that sometimes, I am down about that?

I don't really want much. Just a hair appointment so I don't look so horrible, just a nice bath with no interruptions, just a few moments to use the bathroom with no one busting in, just enough energy so that I can workout. I want to be healthy and look better, but I just cannot do it. I want to be able to sit down before 9PM and not have to listen out for anyone crying. I want to NOT be needed-for just a few minutes, just a few seconds. Not that this will ever happen, but if it did, I would surely complain then about NOT being needed. I am so twisted.

I am lonely. I want time with my husband that is not filled with the children or time alone with him that does not occur at 10 PM when I am too exhausted to formulate a sentence. How can I be lonely with my three children always nipping at my heels and my husband who really does try to make a happy life for us?

I miss my work. I miss the personal satisfaction that I received from my job. I hate paying $350/month for my student loan when I have no place to use the degree. The money is in trade for the paper I have framed hanging in our study. It is probably dusty.

I miss having money. I miss having the luxuries that come with having extra money. I hate worrying if we will ever dig ourselves out of this hole. I hate that financially, we are not where we hoped we would be at ages 35 (me) and 40 (Rick).

Is it OK to say that I get tired of
changing diapers, crying children, and picking up toys five times a day?

While I am complaining I will include these things that I cannot stand also (because I am on a roll):
our muddy backyard with no grass or trees, dust and pollution in the air, money taken from an already horrible public school system, increased violence and cussing on television-the public's need for these things to be entertained, worrying about my children getting abused, or being bullied, or doing the bullying, additional skeletons popping out of my husband's closet and always being understanding about my husband's diagnosis of Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) and all that it entails. I am tired of worrying about Nicholas developing OCPD. I can't stand sweeping (and sometimes mopping) the kitchen floor at least twice a day and still it is covered with food and sticky from spilt juice, Rhett (our dog) licking the floor while "cruising for crumbs" until he coughs and gags, washing at least eight loads of laundry a week, and never being done with all of the chores. When one is done, there are five more that pop up in it's place.

I know all of these things that I have talked about come with motherhood; and obviously, I chose to be a mother. And, I do love it- 99% of the time. But, isn't it OK to sometimes be sad about what you sacrifice while being a mom?

I need a vacation (and maybe some medication).

Movie Night

2009-05-11T23:05:00.001-07:00

Saturday we had a wonderful family night. My husband, I, Nicholas, Jacob and Lyla all jumped into the minivan for an afternoon out for an adventure: a movie. Until now, Nicholas, Jacob (and obviously Lyla) have never seen a movie in a theater. My husband and I have been discussing it for a while and with the constant previews of Monsters Vs. Aliens we decided to try it out.

What a great time! Surprisingly, no one acted up. My two boys sat in awe staring at the big screen. Jacob refused to take his eyes off of the movie even for a moment to take a sip of a drink for the first half hour. He sat in his booster seat, clutching the arm rests with his mouth partially open in total amazement. Nicholas behaved like a gentleman, shoveling popcorn into his mouth happily and experiencing his first tastes of a Slurpee. It was a real treat for everyone. Lyla even behaved, sitting on my lap for most of the movie as I played with her quietly.

Although the day was expensive-movies are not cheap, we cannot wait to go back. It is really so nice when we can all do something together and have such a blast.

Everything But the Bathroom Cup

2009-05-11T21:14:00.000-07:00

"OH where, oh where has my bathroom cup gone? Oh where, oh where can it beeeeeee?

With it's hard water stains and lyme buildup- Oh where, Oh where can it beeee?"

My children absolutely adore when I make up songs about our life.

"Do it again, Mommy!", squeals Jacob happily.

My bathroom cup has been missing in action for several days. I recall a few days ago, right before the cup mysteriously disappeared, I gave it to Nicholas for a sip of water. Now, three days later, I am still looking for the cup. I have asked Nick about it several times. My questions about the cup have become so frequent that Nick is no longer responding. He is, in fact, ignoring me.

It is interesting how young the male gender picks up this trait. Is this trait only passed from certain fathers to certain sons or is it indicative of every male? I have recently been thinking that I need to try a different approach for Nick anyway. He has been ignoring me quite frequently. Maybe I just hen peck him to death. Nick, don't do that. Nick, do this. Not like that. Over there. Over here. Stop it. Do it. Pick it up. Get in. Sit down. Zip it. Answer me!

So, tomorrow I will turn over a new leaf, again. I do this a lot. I always reevaluate my approach to my children. If one way is not working, I try another. Or, if something is working, I try to expand the idea to other issues. Anyway, I will try to give Nick a break- and not act like a pain in his bum. I still want to correct him when appropriate, but I think that I am going to cut back and try to give him a break. I probably need to just chill out (for lack of a better phrase). Maybe then, when I speak to him, he will be more apt to listen.

By the way, the bathroom cup....FOUND. While making Nick's bed this morning, Nick jumped up off of the floor shouting, "Who put Mommy's cup under my bed?"

"Ah Hah! I wonder...", I responded.

He smiled, giggled and ran it into my bathroom.

Violence On Television

2009-05-10T21:48:00.001-07:00

Well hello everyone! I hope everyone had a nice Mother's Day. My day was nice- no major catastrophic events.

I went to dinner at my step-mother-in-law's house with my husband and the children. That was wild, as usual. My children just love going over their house. They run around screaming and carrying on, getting away with reckless wild behavior for much longer than they do at home.

After dinner, my husband got this brilliant idea of turning on UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship). OK, I am not sure who flew in, took my husband's brain, and deposited it outside in the garbage can- but someone did.

What was he thinking? Nick and Jacob are running around, half watching whatever is on TV in between squeals. Did Rick actually think that is appropriate programming for a 2 and 4 year old? After some conversation, more angry and evil on my part (I must have been getting tired and crabby), Rick agreed (that I was tired and crabby AND that his choice of TV programming was inappropriate). It was time for us to go home anyway.

The whole conversation about violence had me thinking about how I am so disinterested in movies with intense violence. Am I just getting...dare I say it....old? When I was younger, I would watch an occasional horror movie or a shoot 'em up flick without blinking an eye. Now, I cannot stand horror movies. They are too realistic, too gory, too absolutely terrifying. When I watch these movies, I just freak myself out too much. I go to bed thinking of the creepy way they did...whatever. Then for days, I have nightmares. Have movies gotten more violent or am I just more aware now that I have children? Maybe it is the fact that technology has advanced and film makers are able to better portray realistic events. I don't know. Maybe I have become a wimp.

Either way, it will be many many years before my children are watching those movies (if I have anything to say about it). When that day comes, I pray that I have taught my children enough to recognize what is real and what is make-believe and, obviously, how the movie should (or should not) impact their behavior. Maybe I can put off that day for say...15 years. Is that so unreasonable?

No Sleep

2009-05-06T20:55:00.000-07:00

Today stunk. I am not a mother to pretend that all is just peachy in motherhood all of the time. It's tough and sometimes can seem that the challenges are endless and insurmountable. It is quite typical of the children to totally go nuts between 24 and 48 hours of my husband Rick's departure. That's what they do. Although I know their routine, I feel I am never really prepared for what is in store for me.

I think the children's behavior stems from their feelings of insecurity when Rick comes and goes so often. Nicholas is the primary driver of this train. He goes wild, which prompts Jacob to go wild, then I go crazy and then the Lyla jumps in. Before I know it, we are living in an insane asylum where I am the warden-a bit deranged and unhinged myself.

I realize that my husband is not often gone for long, extended trips; however, some part of me wonders if it would be easier on the children if he were. Once gone for a while, things settle and the house comes to order once again. But with my husband's unpredictable ins and outs, it is hard to get settled. Just when things get back to normal and start to run smoothly, he leaves (or returns) again.

I think that I would be fine with the boys being rowdy if it wasn't for the added strain of my functioning on about 2 hours of sleep per night for the last three days. Lyla has had some difficulty sleeping over the last week. I am hoping that it is a mere coincidence that her issues sleeping began the day after receiving her latest round of immunizations. She has been waking between four and seven times a night for the last week. It is steady getting worse; in the last few nights she has repeatedly been waking up screaming and unable to go back to sleep without some sort of intervention on my part.

Rick called earlier today to say Hi. After about three seconds of speaking to me, he knew I was not myself. After an hour of listening to me sobbing uncontrollably and blubbering without reason, I know he wanted to be home that instant. He reassured me and sternly told me to try and take a nap at the first opportunity I received. I really doubted that moment would arise, but I was all for the thought of a peaceful nap.

Miraculously, the planets and stars aligned for about ninety minutes this afternoon and I did get some rest. I awoke with a bit more patience, thankfully. With my renewed sense of strength, I had no difficulties showing Nicholas (the king of the children) exactly who was boss; so, the boys fell right back in line and behaved much more like gentlemen. As for Lyla, she is my angel. She looks to me for smiles. Thankfully, I was able to again give them.

Pictures of Lyla

2009-05-05T22:42:00.000-07:00

Oh, I meant to mention that I picked up some pictures I had taken of Lyla a couple of weeks back. I wanted to share. She is really my little angel. Hope you all enjoy!

The Shopping Trip

2009-05-05T21:22:00.000-07:00

The other day was a wonderful day. My step-mother-in-law came over to do some projects with the children for Mother's Day and I was told to "beat it" for a while. It was strange as I drove out of the driveway. It was....quiet. I drove down my street, thinking of how bizarre it felt not having anyone with me. I believe it was the first time that I have been alone since moving to Las Vegas. Wait, I did drive to one hair appointment several months back. OK, it was the second time I was alone in the last two years.

Every other time I leave the house, I am packing up this and packing up that, getting drinks, and toys, and diaper bags, and snacks, and making sure I have all of the things I just might need. I always have a just in case pile for all of those things that could happen. What if we're out later than expected and need to eat out? I bring food and formula for Lyla even if the trip is short. What if Jacob spills his lemonade in his car seat? He does this often with those "spill proof cups". I really put so much thought into what each child may need that it is no wonder that I have little memory left for anything else. My brain is too busy thinking about all the what ifs for each child.

Anyway, so when I left the house that day, what a relief I felt not worrying that I had not brought something that I may need. By the time I reached the end of my street and began turning the corner, I could feel myself getting emotional. What the heck is my problem? I should have been partying like a rock star! So, I had to snap myself out of it and try to enjoy my short trip out. I figured that there was no telling when this would happen again, so I shouldn't be acting all wacky about being alone and enjoy it. I went to Old Navy, bought a few shirts and a skirt for myself, along with a few things for the children. It was completely amazing how much I felt I had accomplished! http://oldnavy.gap.com/

Children really make a very short shopping trip into a long, drawn-out ordeal. Just the task of getting three children in and out of car seats takes quite a bit of time. That, combined with the time taken to cruise direct and reroute traffic in the parking lot around the children, takes a good hour-at the least. When I returned to my home two hours later, my wallet was $150 lighter; but, I got some great bargains AND actually tried on clothes in the dressing room! I don't think I have been in a dressing room in the last 5 years. Seriously. Most dressing rooms are not sizable enough to accommodate three children, a stroller and me.

My favorite purchases of the day.

After my short trip away from home, I was just elated. The two hours was just enough time for my mind to rest; and, for once, not have it so worried about everyone else. I need to do that more often!

Jacob's Day at the Park

2009-05-04T22:23:00.001-07:00

When we went to the park, Jacob had fun playing with his brother.

But, he got bored.

So, he went looking for trouble.

He coveted some rocks that were out of reach and off limits.

He couldn't help himself. He "needed" the rocks.

For a second, I think he felt guilty.

After a while, he reluctantly decided to listen and put the rocks back.

He was sad and pouted for a long time.

Luckily for me, he got over it...

and resumed playing.

Blogger's Block

2009-05-04T21:41:00.000-07:00

For someone who can talk, and talk, and talk even talk some more about nothing at all, I don't have much to say. I am having blogger's block right now. On some level I feel like my brain is simply in a fog after a busy weekend with the family and a Monday that started with my husband's departure via airplane (again). All of this coming home, going, coming home, going is such a drag. He is not gone for long trips, just frequent trips.

So, since I am in a blogger's block fog right now, I will share a few pictures that I took today at the park. I got a little creative. Hope you enjoy!

The Diva Mommy

2009-05-01T12:38:00.000-07:00

I went to the park today with the children. There is really a great park in town right in the neighborhood that my husband and I considered buying a home when we first moved here. We decided to rent until we really had a good idea how long we would be here; because, the economy is so dreadful.

At the park I was doing my average thing: trying to keep track of two running little boys who never seem to stay on the same side of this vast park while pushing Lyla in the stroller, stopping Nicholas from attempting to dive head-first off of the side of the large dinosaur sculpture, and diverting Jacob away from running in front of the moving swings. Average stuff. But, by far my favorite part of going to the park is mommy watching- checking out the latest hair styles and clothing attire for "cool" moms. That way, I can assess where I fall in the "mommy looks" department. Most of the time, I feel I am pretty average. I have a few things that I have skipped doing here and there because the children seem to take up so much time. I honestly frequently overlook the importance of some of these things because they do not directly pertain to my children. Most are pretty minor...I thought.

Well, my self-rating of "average" seemed to fall a few notches today as one mom walked in and sat down beside me on the bench. She was so trendy and hip. I tried to disguise the frown I probably had on my face when I first met eyes with hers. She looked a little older than me, but she was much more fashionable. She had short dirty-blond hair pulled back neatly in a low pony tail with a decorative headband crossing the front of her hair. She had a sun-kissed tan- not so dark that she looked as if she would have skin cancer by season's end, but just enough that it looked....well...perfect. She probably put on lotion too, since her skin didn't look all dry and flaky. (This is one of the things that is somewhat hard to manage here in the middle of the desert). The woman wore a long yellow casual-but-chic sundress, the fabric decorated in brown and off-white stripes. She wore a brown leather-strapped necklace that had on it a silver dollar- sized flat shiny round shell pendant. The mom had on brown leather braided sandals that seemed to match so perfectly with her hippy-esque ensemble. The glamour mom was even wearing makeup- perfectly, no smudges! I bet she even took a shower! What the heck?! I need to pump up my game, I thought.

OK, you have to use your imagination here.

The Diva Mommy:

Hair, sunglasses and looks like this

Wearing a dress like this

After I decided it was time for us to depart and head home for lunch, I one more time glanced in the Mommy Diva's direction. I was jealous. I want to be a Mommy Diva. I aspire to look so good while still being a good mom. That woman made it look so easy. I better get busy.

For right now, I am an "average mommy". I squeeze in shower time sometime during the day; unfortunately, it is not always before going to sweat in the 95 degree park with my children. Getting my hair highlighted is about three months over due. I have prickly legs from not shaving every day anymore. I do shave my underarms everyday though- but mainly because I fear people will notice that more often and gag in my direction if I had long hair there. I have dry skin, as lotion just seems to take so much time when I have a baby screaming in the other room demanding my attention. I wear clothes from years and years ago because I have not made the time to get myself new ones. I rarely wear big fashionable jewelry. I always wear flip flops. Gosh! I have a lot to work on! But I aspire to be a Diva Mommy none-the-less. I am determined to get there- it just may take a while.

Meatloaf is Our Favorite

2009-04-30T21:10:00.000-07:00

I made my husband's favorite dinner tonight- homemade meatloaf, black-eyed peas and corn, and mashed potatoes. When I say "meatloaf", why is it that I always have a horrible picture in my mind? This meatloaf is actually quite tasty, not greasy, and has been a hit everytime I have made it.

What a bonus that the children gobbled it up also.

Jacob especially loved the fresh black-eyed peas and corn. He had three helpings. That child is absolutely fabulous about eating fruits and veggies. His favorites are berries (of all sorts) and salad with tomatoes. He even asked for an apple for dessert the other evening passing up pudding, ice cream and M&Ms. I knew Jacob liked apples; but, I was surprised when he passed up M&Ms.

Nicholas is a bit more finicky, but really also does a good job eating fruits and veggies. I could tell Nick was also surprised that Jacob passed on the M&Ms. He shrugged his shoulders and promptly told me that he would like to eat the M&Ms that Jacob did not want.

I would like to provide the recipe for my meatloaf because it is really quite good and not-so-bad for you. I make it as healthy as possible and no one misses the fat and calories that are missing from using the healthier ingredients.

Crystall's Meatloaf

2 lbs ground turkey (may also use 1lb lean ground beef and 1 lb ground turkey)

1 Packet of Lipton Recipe Secrets Onion Soup Mix

1/3 cup Ketchup

1/2 cup Egg Beaters

3 slices of Heart Healthy 45 Calories and Delightful Whole Wheat Bread (cut into cubes)

4 dashes of Worcestershire Sauce

1 medium onion (chopped)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Combine all ingredients in large bowl, mixing thoroughly. Shape into loaf in a 13X9" pan. Bake for 1 hour.

Hope you enjoy!

The Great Immunization Debate

2009-04-29T13:26:00.000-07:00

I had put it off long enough. I knew it was time, though I did not want to go. I could no longer procrastinate. Today we had to go. She had to go.

I loaded the children in the car today for the trip I have been putting off for quite a while- Lyla's immunizations. Once again, I was facing fears of the potential consequences. I hate being in this situation and worry that I am not doing the right thing. This stinks, but I really do not know what else to do.

For those of you who do not know, my daughter Lyla got very ill back in November. The whole account of the horrible ordeal can be found on my blog post entitled, "A Living Hell". Immunizations are further discussed in one of my favorite posts, "Into The Darkness".

In a nutshell, Lyla was hospitalized for about a month and nearly died. Physicians still do not have any idea what happened to her; and, a reaction or allergy to vaccines cannot be ruled out as the cause of her illness.

So, I feel as though I am caught in the middle of the Great Immunization Debate.

I have always been a huge advocate for childhood vaccines. Being in the health care profession, I have always felt that immunizations are essential for protecting our children from harmful illness and disease. They are the reason why most parents in the United States do not worry that their child will catch Polio, the Measles, Diphtheria, etc.

Now, times have changed and these exact immunizations have suddenly come under scrutiny for actually causing illness and death. Now, in saying this, I know that the physicians and manufacturers centered around this issue are stating that the chance of allergic reaction or sensitivity is very remote. However, even if it is remote, what if one of the few children that had the reaction was your child, or your baby? Would there be a change in your stance in this debate?

As I stand now, I will still go and get my children their vaccines. Neither of my sons had any issues with their immunizations and it has not been proven that the vaccines caused Lyla's illness. But, I cannot hide my fear and will not minimize my concerns. While the country is trying to get everything "Green", why not try to better our immunizations and create preservative and additive-free vaccines? Oh wait, the rebuttal would involve the expense of doing so, I am sure. Once again, I retort, if it were your child, any amount of money would be worth it.

Discipline for Nick- A Strong-Willed Child

2009-04-28T14:30:00.001-07:00

For three days Nick has flat-out refused to listen. He has done things deliberately, even though he knows what he is doing is wrong. In an attempt to get my attention when I was on the phone, he licked my arm. Yes, you heard it folks...he licked me. I seriously have no idea where that came from. We don't lick each other (just in case any of you are reading this and now wondering). Nick also has pulled on the Ethernet cord of our desktop computer numerous, numerous times- all of which I told him to stop. Yesterday he pulled on it and the box for the wireless Internet tumbled off of the desk to the floor. I was quite angry, so I told him that he needed to leave the computer area and go play elsewhere. He did and I really thought the issue was over.

Later that day, I noticed our computer having some issues connecting to the Internet. I fooled around with a some things: turned a few things off and on and checked all of the plugs...no change. Then, when my husband came home he asked me angrily why I had plugged both ends of the Ethernet cord into the box. "I didn't", I replied, confused. Why the hell would I do that? He retorted, "Whatever! I know you did, because I didn't." See what I have to deal with? "OK, I KNOW I didn't do it. I am not crazy here and I am not lying. SO, if I didn't do it, and you didn't do it.....(thoughts are going through my head and I remember Nicholas being upset when he knocked over the box)...NICK probably did it".

After confirming my suspicions, I reiterated to Nicholas that he is under no circumstances to touch that box or those wires. Again, I was thinking the issue was over. Now, this morning I had to speak with him yet again about playing with the wires. Nick has also been trying to scare Jacob by growling in his face and chasing him. I have also told him "NO!" about this several times, but he has continued. He has even been sent to his "Bad Boy Seat" with no success. These are only a couple of Nick's antics over the last few days, there are many more; but, I do not have the patience to type about all of them. Besides, I think you get the picture.

I know exactly what I have done wrong here. With Nicholas, I cannot give him an inch of leeway. He will always take a mile. He is the type child that always pushes the envelope. If there is something he can do, he will do it. It is the way he is, the way his personality is. From the first day he could stand, he was trying to stand on top of the seat on his rocking motorcycle. He is wild; he is a warrior....he is what people refer to as "strong-willed". So, I have to discipline him in a different way. I must be very constant, even somewhat rigid. No swaying. No, "Well....OK"s. Nicholas has a very strong personality. It is for his own comfort that I must be stronger. A strong-willed child without strong boundaries will always be insecure. I have read a couple of books that have backed the exact things that I am stating here now. Please read them is you are dealing with similar issues.

"Setting Limits With Your Strong-Willed Child", by Robert J. MacKenzie, ED.D.
"Raising Children Without Going Insane", by Jane Evans. <---I really love this one.

When Nick first did a few of these antics, I did not drop everything and make him go sit in his bad boy chair. I gave him a warning- an opportunity to make it right. I know this sounds fine....but for Nick, it is not. With Nicholas, if you know that he already knows better....he does not get the warning, only the punishment.

By giving repetitive warnings, I allow myself to get emotionally wrapped up because after correcting him so many times, I get angry and frustrated. Wrong move. The issue needs to be addressed very early on, preferably right that moment.

When I no longer provide Nick with the warnings and jump straight to the consequences for his wrong-doings a miraculous thing happens- he really straightens up. This is discipline the way Nicholas needs. Sometimes, when my husband sees me practicing this routine, he thinks I am being a little too rigid. But, I tell you other mothers, when I use this method, it does not fail. I once read that "Discipline is not what you do TO your children, it is what you do FOR your children". I do this FOR Nicholas. He responds positively every time.

SO, now we are left to get out the big guns. OK-not BIG GUNS literally. But the term "get out the big guns"- getting out the punishments that are reserved for the biggest of misbehaviors. A few nights without his nightly 30 minute movie time and he will be back to being my well-behaved angel. I figure his angelic behavior should last about 10 hours. That's right about the time he will be waking up tomorrow.

Trash Men

2009-04-27T08:24:00.000-07:00

It was a good morning. Although my children all were awake at the same exact moment that the sun just peeked over the horizon, my husband was still home and he started the whole morning routine for them. As I drug myself out of bed, I figured that since my husband was still home I would hurry and get dressed. My aim was to subtly remind him what a beautiful wife he will return to by choosing my most fashionable morning attire. A black tank top (left over from yesterday's wardrobe) with several small food splatter marks from yesterday's dinner, blue sweatpants that grip my thighs in the perfect way, and my glasses from several seasons ago- no bra of course. I knew if the sweatpants did not work, surely the tank top would. My wardrobe choice was ideal for accentuating just what a lucky man my husband is. By drawing more attention to my pendulous 38 long sized breasts, he would surely be running gleefully home as soon as the clock hits 5 this evening.

After giving my husband a long wet kiss at the door-morning breath an all, I heard the trash man approaching in the distance. The highlight of each Monday and Thursday morning is watching the trash truck collect our trash. I thought that I would give my children a special treat today and allow them to see the action up close. I quickly gathered them, opened the door and let them all stand on the porch watching. The huge truck approached; and, the nice driver honked his horn and waved. The boys returned the wave, flailing their arms around wildly. I noticed the nice man who was loading the truck barely glance in my direction. I figured that he must think that he is much too high class to associate with us. We watched the truck drive off and returned inside.

Once we came in, both boys happily exclaimed that they knew exactly what profession they were going to be later in their lives: trash men. I tried to hold back my emotions as I was really so very proud of them. When I felt as though there was no way I could possibly be more fulfilled, Nicholas told me he didn't want to just be a trash man, he wanted to for sure be the guy who is putting the trash into the back of the truck-"not just the trash guy who was driving".

Where the Wild Things Are

2009-04-26T21:30:00.000-07:00

My husband, children and I absolutely love the book, "Where the Wild Things Are". When I think of the title, I really think of my home; because, here is where the wild things are. Two Tasmanian devils hit the floor running each and every day in my home at 6am. If I am otherwise occupied and not controlling what is going on in our home (i.e. talking on the phone) the children run like wild banshees, toys flinging here and there. Our home can go from tidy, well....straightened, to a disaster area in a matter of ten minutes. Although I really do try to keep this kind of mess to a minimum, I will never win this battle. I have three children-two of which think that when I am on the phone or in the bathroom, their God given purpose on Earth is to run rampant throughout the house tearing up everything in their path.

Well, I better get used to it-the boys aren't going anywhere and they'll be young for quite a while longer. When the day comes that they are all grown up and my house is tidy and my life has gone back to a much slower pace, I will look at the floor and miss these times.

By the way, Where The Wild Things Are will be released as a movie October 16, 2009. We can't wait. It may very well be the first movie we will all attend as a complete family.

For further info, the movie link is http://wherethewildthingsare.warnerbros.com/ You have got to check this out!

Lowe's Build and Grow Clinics

2009-04-26T13:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we spent our morning at Lowe's. They have a really great program for children every-other-Saturday called the Lowe's Build and Grow Clinics. These workshops provide hammers, nails, a detail and illustration-filled flyer, and tables to build your project. Also, on your first visit, your children receive a Lowe's Build and Grow Clinic apron with clear work goggles to bring back to each of your clinic visits. This program is completely free of charge and open to children of all ages. Having attended several of these, I would think ages 2-12 are those who would get the most enjoyment. No purchase is required. This does require an adult to be present. Young children are not typically able to build these without some sort of assistance; and Lowe's does not provide anyone to help instruct or build. They only provide the equipment and the location.

The boys really think that this is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Every-other-Friday night the boys jump into their beds excitedly talking about the next day-their "Lowe's Day". We have now completed close to twenty workshops and have received patches for our aprons to show just how cool (and talented) we are.

By the way, I have spent many many hours sewing on these patches. Initially I thought I would just hand-sew them. Uh...no. After the first couple of patches, I realized that was a really bad idea. It took me too long and the aprons didn't look as good as if I were to get out the sewing machine.

So, reluctantly, I got it out. And, let me tell ya, it was a learning experience all over again. It had been many years since I had sewn anything. I figured I could easily jump right in because I remember how to sew, right? Well, no again. The tension was all messed up and I had to break out the directions several times to relearn how to adjust the tension on the thread and on the bobbin. It took me hours to get it right. Then, when I did get it right, I was not at all in practice. I sewed the string of Nick's apron to the front panel. Of course, I had to fix that. Then, it looked like a blind person had sewn it. Then again, maybe a blind person would have done a better job. After several more weeks of practicing with patches, I finally got good at it. I went back and removed and reattached the patches that were sewn on before I became such a sewing expert.

Here is a picture of Nick's apron. How cool is that?!

For anyone who is interested in taking their children (younger than teenagers) to a fun and free project, you can check your local Lowe's schedule by searching online at this link:

https://www.lowesbuildandgrow.com/

I hope you and your children will enjoy these as much as we do. Free and fun projects to do with your children-what more could you ask for?

Questions About Blogging

2009-04-24T21:32:00.000-07:00

Well, hello everyone! It's not that often that I speak directly to my audience. I figure there is a first time for everything. So, Hi, Hello, Hola, etc etc. I don't know very many of those, or rather, I can't think of them right now. Ever since having the children, sometimes, I am really out there. And, when I mean out there, I mean far out there.

I would also like to take this opportunity to thank TheMotherhood.com for posting my blog on their home page for the last two days. I was completely overjoyed and flattered that I made such an impression. A spot on the home page? As my children say, "How cool is that?!" For a couple of days, I was a celebrity! :) I guess that was my fifteen minutes of fame. Oh well, just like most great things- gone in a flash.

No updates yet on the big secret. I know many of you are waiting to find out the big scoop. We are still waiting on an important phone call, then maybe....just maybe....I can talk about it. I need to have a conference with my husband. What a drag it is that I just can't blahbitty blah blah blah about this.

Currently, I am trying to figure out exactly what it takes to get more readers for a blog. Truthfully, prior to writing one, I had never read a blog. Does that make me horrible? I just one day had the urge to write....and a few weeks passed.....and the urge came back.....again and again. So, I decided to do it. Then, I started finding out all of this cool stuff about blogging. I think I have been trapped in a black hole for the last four years. I remember always being on the computer and really being "up" on the technology thing. Now, I am seriously behind the times. Hopefully with some time, I can catch up again.

Back to the readers thing: What makes people want to read a blog? I am sure they have to be entertained, I understand that; but what else? Is blogging mainly a word-of-mouth thing? Maybe I need to shorten my blogs. This is of course difficult for me because I can just have one topic run into another topic that runs into another topic all day long-thus the name of this blog. Maybe I just need to try and stick with my funnier stuff versus my serious stuff. I have tried to do a few things that I read would improve my stats, but am not sure how well they are working. It could just take some time.

If anyone has some insight, please tell me. Nicely, if you don't mind. Something like..."You suck, that's why no one reads, idiot!" is not a welcome response. Oh no, one thought...if I have very few readers, who will answer this question? Smart, Crystall!

The Strangers I Have Met

2009-04-23T21:48:00.000-07:00

The Grey's Anatomy episode that aired tonight was not a rerun like I expected. It has been several weeks since I have seen anything but a rerun. I really don't watch very many shows, so when I actually have a show that I enjoy, I am really counting on seeing it.

This evening's episode included a story about a terminally ill child. I find this topic extremely disturbing, much like most people I suppose. I find it most bothersome because I have seen it first hand. I am a certified Nuclear Medicine Technologist. Basically, I have a license to give people radioactivity to either treat or diagnose disease. Then, I take pictures of how their organs work. Blah blah blah, I know this is not exciting. But, what is exciting is the people that I have met. I don't know them, not really. I only see them for a few minutes, a few hours or a few days. Then, I say goodbye-never really knowing what happens to them after they walk out the door. I suppose part of that is good. It allows me to keep my distance and not let myself get upset. But, after years in my field, I found I was much better at my job when I let my guard down a little and became human.

When I was in school, I remember I had a 3 yr old little girl as my patient; she had leukemia. I was waiting for her to arrive to our department to start her scan. Just then, from around the corner she came, standing up on the base of the IV pole. She was happily giggling, gripping the pole for dear life on her wild ride down the hallway. She was a beautiful girl. She had pale skin, long wavy blond hair and the brightest of blue eyes. Her parents were following closely behind. I asked her to get up on the table with a huge camera looming overhead. She never shuddered. She was fearless- more courageous than I would have been. As her scan ran, I just looked at her thinking that she really needed to have that bravery because her life would inevitably have a very premature ending. Her scan was clear, but I knew that her road would be a tough one. She jumped back on the IV pole and rolled away. I never saw her again; but, I have also never forgotten her. It has been ten years.

Above is a picture of one of our cameras.

Once, I had an elderly male patient who had been treated for prostate cancer. He was being scanned for spread of his disease to his bones. He laid quietly, not moving a muscle while the camera slowly moved over him. As the scan went on, I could see that the cancer had spread and it was at that time consuming his entire skeleton. How unfortunate his case was-he was such a nice man. He got up and as I walked him out to his car he said, "Crystall, I have seen you every six months for the last two years for this test. I am tired and I am afraid this will be our last meeting". I smiled at him and tried to focus through the tears welling up in my eyes. I knew he was right and it was not fair. I hugged him, not saying a word. But I did not give it away, he knew and he was ready.

These are not much unlike every other case I have seen. I have seen so many. I consider it a not-so-desirable part of my profession. But, I love nuclear medicine none-the-less; because, I feel like somehow I am helping. Sometimes the help I give is when my scan definitively diagnoses cancer before it has spread too far to be treated. Other times, my help is just being supportive when my patient is scared to death and gripping my hand during the scan. And, I suppose other times, my help is provided by just giving a smile or a hug. Some technologists don't do that, but it's just fine by me. Because, I can take it when I go home and still think of those people years and years later. For me, their life is worth my thoughts, whether I really knew them or not.

Memoirs of a Trailer Park Girl

2009-04-22T12:22:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about my last post and realized that some people reading may not understand my humor. I think if they read many of my other posts that they would quickly realize that the whole "trailer park" thing was all in fun. After all, I came from a very meager background, even lived in a trailer long ago. I am sure that some of my family still live in trailers. Who cares?

As a matter of fact, I loved our trailer. It was my home-mine and my mother's. I thought it was a great place. One room was mine, one was my mom's. The rooms were attached by a small kitchen and living room. We didn't have a lot, but I didn't notice. I was happy- we were happy. I had all the toys that I needed. I thought it was so cool when I wore my princess pajamas around on Halloween night one year. My mom made me a wand and a crown out of aluminum foil; I don't think I wore shoes. I was so pretty.

I had a record player that was orange and folded up like a suitcase. Man, I loved that thing. I had little records thrown all around my disastrous room. I kept my room like a pig sty. One day my mom came in my room, saw that I had stepped on some of my records and they were broken. I remember her sitting on my bed and crying. It is only now that I know how she felt. I called her a couple of months back and apologized. She didn't even remember- but I do.

My mother had me when she was sixteen. In high school she discovered she was pregnant, was horrified and even tried to throw herself down a flight of stairs to end the pregnancy. She was scared of her parent's reaction, and probably more scared of being a mother. Thinking back to when I was sixteen, I can certainly understand why. She made it through, got her GED and put herself through school, getting a computer technology certification from a local technical college while working nights at a fish house. My mother did the best that she could, and it was plenty for me. She did marry my father for a brief time, but he was no father. He wanted to be free and single- not tied down with a wife and a kid. He still continues to be a phantom, coming into and out of my life only for brief periods. I suppose that may be all that he can give, it continues to be the way that he lives; but, I make no excuses for him. I do not bear grudges or miss his presence- he was never there, so how can I miss what I have never had?

All that I am, I owe to my mother- who worked so hard to provide me more than the trailer park. Standing here today, I feel that I have beat the odds. I am no longer that trailer park girl. But, I am in no way ashamed of where I came from. Those things have made me who I am today. I look back on those days fondly; because, they were wonderful for me. So, my mother was very successful at mothering at such a young age. Because mothering is all about raising (or rearing) happy and healthy children.

I know it is late, but thank you so very much, Mom.

What Kind of Barbie Am I?

2009-04-20T22:03:00.000-07:00

I just took a little quiz on Facebook called "What Barbie Doll Are You?". First, let me say that these quizzes are something that people with some extra time to waste often do to pass time or be entertained. Well, I was in a wanting-to-be-entertained mood earlier so I decided to take this quiz. The quiz was a series of questions and the quiz-taker chooses which answer, A, B, C, or D best describes them. I tried to answer the questions honestly, though a few of the questions failed to provide an answer that really described me.

These are my results.

Crystall took the What Barbie Doll are you? quiz and the result is Trailer-Park Barbie

you have split ends, 3 kids, you smoke too much and drink cheap beer. you've never been out of the country, except maybe to canada for the weekend with your high-school girlfriends. you know the words to every bon jovi song. you still play cassette tapes on your old boom-box. you married your high-school boyfriend, whom you divorced after he ran off with "candy" - the stripper from the next town. there's a bright side, though...you still wear a size 2, one of the benefits from smoking too much and other, um, life habits. when drunk, you either fight or f*k, and the later has gotten you thrown in jail, so watch out - slow down on the booze and try to lay off the camels while you're pregnant with number 4.

I posted my results on my Facebook page and received a ton of comments.

My response is...

"HONNNEEYYY, bring me a beer and my cigarettes! I asked the neighbor to get me some earlier 'cause the disability check came in. Ya know he's got a car right? Must be nice! He came back with MGD. What?! Does he think we're rich or somethin'?

I was all: What the hell?

He was all: Wha?

Oh well! Did you fix that VCR we found yet? I think it just needs new batteries. I have some in the milk crate sittin' by the bed. I would looovvve to watch one of my old porn videos. I was really good in 'Jazzmyn does Vegas'. Push play on the boom box too. Bon Jovi is callin' my name! WOOHOO! Let's Parrrrrtay!"

Honesty Honestly

2009-04-19T13:01:00.000-07:00

I have skipped writing blogs for a few days here and there over the last week or so. I do not like doing that and hope that the readers that I do have will bear with me. I have had two situations come up that really occupied a lot of my thinking and really made it difficult to let out my creative side. I will explain the basics so that you will perhaps understand my absence. Further discussion will inevitably be a part of a future blog or two....or twenty, when the timing is more appropriate.

First, someone in my family was recently diagnosed with ovarian cancer. The "family" reference is a little complicated with this story, but this person was a very important part of my daily life at one time. She still remains one of the most dynamic people in my life; although, our relationship is distant. I would not be the same person had it not been for this person's influence, guidance, acceptance and love. I owe her a great debt of gratitude. The news of her illness was not only packed with shock, denial, and sadness, but was also another door to my past suddenly flung ajar.

Additionally, I received information via mail carrier that has the potential to rock my entire family. This information is huge and for now has to remain somewhat a secret until the details are confirmed as truth. I will say, though, that I will only remain silent until it is more appropriate to divulge such information. I am sure that once the cat has been let out of the bag, I will need extensive therapy. This blog will inevitably be my therapy.

Now, about keeping this big secret, it stinks! I hate this. This is such a large issue that I need to talk about it. I need someone else to know. I loathe dishonesty. I especially want to be forthright with the people that this will eventually affect. Secrets eat away at me. I feel like this must be some personality trait of mine. I would love to say that the reason I always have so many things to tell is because I am honest. Well, although that may be true on some level, I really feel that sometimes I just have to have someone else hear (or read) what I am going through. Is it that I want to share my pain? Hm. I don't know. Is that why woman always blab? Blahbitty blahbitty blahbitty blah! Do women just HAVE to run their mouths to feel better? Maybe I do. Is this the deep down roots of gossip?

When I decided to start writing this blog, I wanted it to be honest. I wanted my true self to shine through. I wanted to be open with myself and with whoever chose to read about me. Mostly, I wanted to openly write about the things that have made me who I am today. Maybe I wanted to share some of the happiness and some of the pain. I wanted to share who I have become and where one day I would like to end up. I wanted to write about my children- both great and horrible days at home with them. And, how it is OK to have both. I wanted to share both my triumphs and tribulations as a mother. I wanted to pose questions about life and motherhood that make people think-the same ones that make me think. This blog is honestly me.

So, don't worry- I don't keep secrets. If I have missed a few blogs, you will definitely hear why! By the way, the skipped blogs are hopefully a thing of the past. In the blogging world, if you write occasionally, people will only read occasionally. Honestly, I better get writing!

Tattoo Boy

2009-04-19T06:33:00.000-07:00

A few months back, while I was trying to catch up on some much needed sleep, Nicholas was feverishly writing on himself in his room. He was creating a masterpiece like no other. Black dry erase marker was scribbled all over the place: his forehead, his belly, his arms, his legs, even his back-how did he manage that? He was also writing on several random toys around in his room, really making them "look better" according to him.

So, a few moments later, when Nicholas came standing in front of me, I was so very proud. As my eyes cracked open, there in front of me was Nicholas' bright smile and an example of his beautiful artwork.

After some interrogation I discovered that Nicholas wanted some tattoos to be more "like Daddy". Since my husband has around forty tattoos, I should probably consider myself lucky
that it was only dry erase marker-one day it may be the real thing.

The Minivan- The Death of A Dream

2009-04-16T07:39:00.000-07:00

A while back we purchased a minivan. I have never wanted a minivan. In fact, I have always declared since I saw the first minivan and thought it resembled a woman's plaything on wheels that I would never own one. They are the quintessential symbol of motherhood and the automobile of everyone no longer young, beautiful and vibrant. Quite simply, they are the death of coolness.

Well, the years passed and my coolness faded anyway, I suppose. The body styles of minivans(thankfully) have changed and they have become a car that has so many benefits for families, they can no longer be shunned.

We purchased a Nissan Quest, fully loaded. The only way I would agree with my husband to make the purchase is if it had all of the options and accessories. I figured if this was the death of my attractiveness, it needed to go out with style. I still needed to get past a few of my hangups about minivans, but that would surely help. Even while signing the paperwork, I had bad thoughts. For this money, I could be purchasing the SUV of my dreams. But, those thoughts were irrational. Yes, I suppose we could have gotten a very nice SUV, the kind of SUV that oozes coolness. We could have afforded a new Nissan Pathfinder Armada. However, both my husband and I thought the minivan had much more family-oriented gadgets for the money. We also thought the gas mileage would be better and the minivan's roominess would be wonderful. No more lifting the children up high into my Pathfinder, now we would be set.
My dream SUV above (tears rolling down my face, with big bottom lip poking out)

Since making this purchase, I have discovered that having a minivan is quite nice. The children love watching movies. So much so that I have made a new rule to only watch a movie when we are going somewhere at least 30 minutes away. If the destination is closer, too bad. Children do not need to watch movies every time you go somewhere. Heck, what happened to looking out the window? Spoiled kids!

And, the death of my attractiveness has not come with the minivan-or maybe it has. I am probably in a dream world. The same dream world that I was in several years back when I was wearing an ankle bracelet and was told by a coworker that I was "stuck in the 80s". AAAGGHH! Within seconds the ankle bracelet was a distant memory, shoved deep in my pocket. Now it is buried in my jewelry box waiting for the day when ankle bracelets are back in style. But then again, when they actually are "cool" again, I won't know it. :)

Good Morning

2009-04-16T07:07:00.000-07:00

Good Morning Everyone!

I know, chances are that when you are reading this it will no longer be morning, but I decided to write it anyway. I am up bright and early as usual. It was a 6am wake up for Lyla, who became famished and needed nourishment, since she is clearly skin and bones.

Here is a picture of our undernourished daughter. Lyla is actually in the 50th percentile for her weight, but she sure looks like a chunk in this photo. Maybe it's a bad angle. :)

Anyway, I was up with Lyla and since I am usually awakened by Jacob around 6:30am I was not able to go back to sleep. The commotion with my husband getting up and getting ready for work around the same time did not help. So, here I am bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. One thought: why is it that the one day that I actually cannot sleep past 6am is the same day that Jacob and Nicholas actually sleep in? I swear, this happens maybe once -a-month, but never fails. I am up when they are not. How is this fair?

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I know that my posts have been a little unpredictable in the last week. I am trying to remedy that. I have found that when I am bothered by something or overly stressed I do not have much creativity. The "real me" fails to shine through in my writings. I would very much like to write about these things that are bothering me; however, the time is not yet appropriate. It is much easier to put a comedic spin on stressful situations when they are in the past.

War Wounds

2009-04-14T21:18:00.000-07:00

Today at the park, Jacob got a war wound. He was scratched in the face by an evil child. His scratch is small, but runs from the corner of his left eye running down the side of his cheek. I have run into several evil children in my comings and goings with Nick, Jacob and Lyla, some of which are my own. The evil child pops out sometimes for only a split second, but that second can be plenty. I was told that Jacob was yelling in the little boy's face prompting him to attempt scratching out Jacob's eyeballs. On some level, I do empathize with the little boy; who wants a psycho yelling in your face? But, when the psycho is my child, well, I try to be a little more patient.

Luckily, Jacob did not turn in to an instant drama king. Everyone else in our family would have. Trust me. My husband and I have bred a home full of over-the-top emotional children. Actually, I figure the children are just taking after us. At times, both Rick and I are overly sensitive and emotional. If any of our children happened to be born without this trait, an instant DNA test would be appropriate to verify the obvious: a switch at birth.

All of this talk about being emotional leads me to another example of a war wound.

Natalie, my husband's youngest sister, who is now 18yrs. old, got a scratch on the top of her foot once during one of our visits. It was not a deep scratch; it was not bleeding. It was merely a break in the skin on the top of her foot in the shape of a line. Well, I remember that she totally freaked out, balling her eyes out. She sat on the kitchen floor, looking closely at the scratch whimpering that the scratch was overlying a vein on her foot, and that she would inevitably need medical assistance. Hilarious! Her mother promptly asked her if she needed to go to the ER to which she responded, "Nooooo!" with her bottom lip poking out. Please keep in mind the most important part of this story.... Natalie was then 14.

Now, when our children make a huge deal out of an extremely minor injury, we ask, "Do you need to go to the ER?" Nick has recently caught on and now says yes.