Tuesday, March 9, 2010

And...Gone With The Finger AGAIN!

Ever feel like life is playing a cruel joke on you?

Well, that is exactly the way I feel.

My husband cut two of his fingers last night on a table saw. Yes...a saw. As in, chop chop, bzzzzzz...and....Freddy Kruger has come to visit. (I am sure I spelled that incorrectly; but, I am not really into Googling Freddy to find out.) You get the picture.

So, through the squeals of my children in the bath and over my threats of yanking them out of the tub if they didn't stop trying to drown one another, I hear the screams of my husband from downstairs. Initially when I heard him yell, "Crystall!" I thought he was about to get upset at me for yelling at the children. But, I was wrong. "Crystall, I just cut my hand on the saw and I need to go to the ER!" My mouth dropped open. I looked down at the kids who were all wet and sporting mohawks made of shampoo-saturated hair. I immediately yelled back while I was ever-so-quickly trying to dump full cups of water over their heads. "I'll drive you!"
Then I realized that there was really no way I could get the children rinsed, dressed and in the car in enough time to take Rick to the ER. He was bleeding pretty badly. So, sadly, I agreed that he could drive himself- even though his face was as white as a sheet. Rick wanted to go alone anyway; but, as far as I was concerned, that moment was not the time to be independent.

I called in my reinforcements- Rick's step-mom and his sister. They came over, took care of the children, and I rushed out the door.

A few stitches were added to Rick's mangled fingers last night until the Orthopedic surgeon could look at it today. The good news is: he still has all of his fingers. The bad news is: the tip of one is pretty mangled and may require additional surgeries to repair a cut tendon. Some pieces of his bone are broken and/or missing. The other finger that was cut is doing well--only a few stitches.

This accident could have been worse, I know. I thank God that it wasn't. But, it goes without saying that we could have lived just fine without this added drama.

Now, for the cruel joke part...

Anyone who knows me knows that my ex-husband had his finger cut very badly when we were first married. Although it was "only a finger" it did change the course of our lives and our relationship forever. Like Rick, my ex's finger was repaired but needed more surgeries-- coincidentally, for tendon repair. Years and years of drama followed my ex's accident, surgery after surgery, an honorable (medical) discharge from the military, and tons of emotional baggage piled high. My ex and I were young...and, maybe, just not as strong as what we both thought and wanted to be.

Now, how will this impact Rick and I? How strange that the accidents are so similar. And... am I destined for fingerless husbands? I know this is not funny, but...seriously!!! Is this a freakin' joke?

So, I will continue on with my prayers- most of them I say in hopes that this accident only makes Rick and I stronger, makes us realize that together we can be strong and that a finger is really.....only a finger and not the basis of our lives or love for one another. The other prayers are in thanks to God for watching and protecting Rick (me, and the children) from much worse catastrophes.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Updates: What's Happening With Me?

First, I will say that I am really trying to be patient right now with my computer since it is doing about a hundred software and security updates while I am trying to type. Although this is one thing that is completely necessary, it is really a pain in the @ss. The cursor gets "stuck" as I type and I have to slow down every few letters waiting on my computer to catch up. Irritating. Of course, on the flip side, I can just ignore the delay and feverishly type away all of my thoughts and risk incomprehensible gobbledygook as the final post. Hm. Who says it is not incomprehensible gobbledygook even after I proof read it? Hm. Didn't think of that.

The picture above is me, modeling my new, movie star sunglasses. As you can see, I did leave the house. Once.
Now, to other stuff. A lot has been going on since I last wrote. There is rarely a dull moment around here.

The children have been wild (the usual) and are getting big. At the grocery store today, four different people told me that I "have [my] hands full". I varied my responses with smiles, nods, and short statements basically eluding, "Ya think?"

Jacob, my sweetest boy with the most gentle nature has turned into a hell child. He is delving even further into the "terrible twos" frequently protesting just about everything. "Jacob, do you want to go outside?" "NO!" "Do you want to stay in?" "NO!" "Do you want some lunch?" "NO!" "Fine, I guess you will just sit and starve." "NO!" I didn't really expect him to agree to that one. I have to catch myself (before I mouth off to him) because this can really be very frustrating.

Nick is beginning to mature and is turning into a good boy again. Are the last several years of extreme frustration actually beginning to pay off? Is there a twinkle of light at the end of this tunnel? Nick is always helping me around the house, even when he is not the one who made the mess. He helps me set and clear the table at most meals. Sometimes, I don't even have to ask! Nick is an extra eye, trying to help me keep Lyla and Jacob out of trouble. Seriously, Nick's turn-around has been exactly what I needed.

Lyla is starting to assert herself. I am glad that she does not let her big brothers run all over her; but, her constant protests can be unpleasant. She surely doesn't back down when Jacob tries to steal her toy. Screams, hitting, more screams, crying (snot, tears, etc.)--you get the picture. All day. Every day. Ahhh...parenthood. Gotta love it. On the positive side, Lyla is still in the angel stage. I better enjoy it. Since she is 18 months old, I know the end is near. Then there will be even more hell to pay, I am sure.

I love that Lyla is so girly. It's a breath of fresh air after the two boys. Lyla likes to choose her outfits, especially her jammies. She loves pink and purple and adores Minnie Mouse and Tinkerbell. She wears her pink sparkle princess shoes around the house and loves showing off her outfits to her daddy. Granted, she does all of this while holding one of Jacob's matchbox cars or a "Thomas" choochoo train. She'll be well-rounded.

We found out a couple of weeks ago that Rick will be retiring from the military after 23 years. So, our lives are going to be a little hectic while we deal with that. Luckily, we have close to a year before it will actually happen. So I am hoping that in that time we can iron out some plans to make the transition as easy and painless as possible.

My father died. I will go into this topic a bit later, I think. I haven't decided all that I will or will not say (publicly) about it. For now, I will say that I am very sad and disappointed that he will never know my children or get to really know me (or Rick). I am very glad though, that I will no longer wonder if my father is happy and healthy. I know he is with God and that is what is most important.

I will try to write a little more frequently. I really miss it.

Friday, January 8, 2010

The Love Bank

Well, hello everyone! I noticed I start a lot of my posts with that line. It's like....I am talking to my buddies. Probably most of you are strangers, but that's just the way I roll. Ha ha! It's the way I blog- to friends, to family, to strangers...it's all the same to me.

I have been feeling a little overwhelmed lately with the children, my husband, the day-to-day drama of being at home, money (or lack-there-of) and by trying to make time for myself. I am trying to fit in exercise everyday (with wild children crawling all over me, or the treadmill, or the yoga mat), time for blogging, time for just taking general care of myself. Believe it or not, taking a shower, fixing my hair, putting together a stylish outfit...looking my best takes time that sometimes feels difficult or a hassle to make. But, I need to make myself a priority. I have been on a back burner for way too long.

The truth is, the children will not suffer if I take a little longer in the morning to shower, get dressed, do my hair, etc. They will be just fine...and I will feel much better.

It's easy to fall into a stay-at-home rut. It's not for me about being lazy; rather, it's about not caring about myself as much as I care about others. Why? Why do moms do that? I know I am not alone.

It's time for a change.

My children and husband are (and will continue to be) the biggest priority for me; however, without my happiness with myself, I cannot really be the best for them. As mothers, I think we are forgotten about. We forget about ourselves. Our husbands sometimes forget about us. Sometimes, I think mothers are just lost in some dark hole of oblivion-never to be heard from again. In response, moms get fat, unhealthy, depressed, anxious, even sometimes angry or resentful. Then, not only do we become chunky and ugly, we become bitchy. Nice combination. No wonder divorce rates are so high. No wonder there is infidelity running ramped.

We are not victims. Moms just have to remember ourselves. We need to remember our worth; and, remember that our happiness matters. In fact, it should rank up there with that of your husband and children. Without you, the family will not function. If mom's not happy, no one is. So claim your spot on the "important list". Your family will not suffer, but it will flourish. You will be happier, more confident, look better, be healthier, and have a more difficult time losing yourself in the Motherhood. For when we lose ourselves, we are not doing anyone any justice.

So, if it takes a job, do it. If it takes an hour extra in the morning, do it. If it takes exercise, go for it. It's for YOU! Who says that you can't? Who cares? Prove them wrong! Be your biggest fan. Then, it won't matter who else is not. Don't wait for good things to come knock down your door. Chances are, they will not. Go find them!

I heard something on the radio recently that was awesome. Sonny Bono was once quoted (and this is a paraphrase because I am probably not remembering this exactly), You must believe in yourself--even when no one else does. I love this. When I was younger and single, I remember I used to say (referring to the workplace and early relationships) that you must stick up for yourself [when you are unhappy] because no one else will. Well, now I do have people to stick up for me; but, the point is still the same. Being your own advocate--being your biggest supporter will take you places unimaginable. You will become all that you have dreamt of.

Now that I wrote all that....

I also have to do it.

It's not work, it's for you/ me!

Please repeat this mantra along with me,

"Just because I love myself does not mean I love my family less".

Do not let others convince you that you are selfish for caring about yourself and your happiness. You are not!

Your love bank has plenty of room for everyone! You're a mom, remember?

Here is a recent picture of my children...(along with the ones on my left sidebar-taken two days ago).

When I look at them, it is easy for me to see why I continue to put their happiness ahead of my own.