Thursday, December 31, 2009

It's Gone!

Today we embarked on a huge and momentous occasion in my oldest son's life. He's five. What isn't exciting at that age?
Nick was happily scarfing down his chicken at dinner, I glanced in his direction and noticed something bizarre- a huge gap....a huge nothingness in his mouth.

"Nick, look up at me baby", I asked.

Happily he looked up and smiled. It was gone- his first tooth.

I asked him where his tooth went. Of course he had no idea. Dumbfounded, Nick looked at me like I was from Mars. Just then, Rick blurted out that the tooth would inevitably be in Nick's poop. I wondered if Nick would actually be excited about that. No. He crinkled up his nose and mumbled, "Eeew".

Glancing toward one another, Rick and I communicated without words. No one was going to be searching for the tooth. It wasn't going to be me. And, I guess Rick wasn't crazy about the poopy tooth-searching either. Hmph. That's the least he could do! He IS the father. Why do I always have to do the dirty work? Motherhood is for the birds! I figure that job is surely found on the Duties For Fathers list, like taking out the trash and hanging Christmas lights.

We all finally agreed that the tooth is lost....forever.

I told Nick that after dinner I would have to call the Tooth Fairy, explain the circumstances, and surely she would still visit him tonight. He smiled and I made the call. Turns out, the Tooth Fairy was much obliged. I figure it was probably no sweat off of her is not her money going under his pillow anyway. What is the going rate for teeth now-a-days? I was thinking about $1 but I read on another blog that $10 is more like it. Seriously?! Darned inflation! I don't think so. Nick will be getting $1. We're not stinkin' millionaires here! At five, he really doesn't need it anyway.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

I Am IN Again! Celebrity Mom 2 big welcome back to the blogging world. Hello....hello all. Thank you....thank you....glad I could return. Glad you love me.....yada yada, etc., etc...

Whoa! Caught in a dream there. I almost thought I was the Martha Stewart of the blogging world--minus the liberal side. Oh no...not much left if you take the liberal out of Martha is there? A lot of nice decorations and cakes, I guess. OK. I'll go for that.

For a minute I felt like the famous person that I have always thought I was supposed to be. Hmmm. Seems I did not choose that path-not that I am not talented enough mind you. I am. I just CHOSE to be a mom. I CHOSE not to dedicate my every waking moment to a career in showbiz and chose love. Have you ever seen the movie, "The Family Man" starring Nicholas Cage? Great movie. One moment can change your whole life. There are probably a bunch of those moments that I am talking about in every one's life. But, in that moment, I CHOSE this life. I CHOSE not to be the lonely but VERY successful corporate exec. I have no doubt that I could have been that. But, I did not. I CHOSE my life. I CHOSE a family. And, now...I am really famous, rich and successful--just in my own mommy way.

I can carry a tune in the form of just about any Mother Goose nursery rhyme. The sound will bring shivers to any one's back. I have a glamorous hair style that resembles that just-out-of-bed look that is so sought after by the sexiest of stars. (Speaking of, there are actually hair products that are supposed to give you that messy "beach" look.) Uh...hello folks! Just get your head wet before bed and sleep on it. Fast, effortless and FREE! Geesh! I should get at least a small percentage of the millions...or billions of dollars that go to get that look from products.

Now, back to my sexiness and top star qualities...

I have the latest in "vintage apparel". It's really only because I haven' t bought myself any clothes since the "skinny jeans" were in style back in the eighties. I seriously never thought that my stretch pants look would be such a hit! Now....viola! I am the fashion goddess! Lucky me!

White, straight teeth are also in. Apparently they were not the "in" thing during the filming of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Talk about creepy teeth! And, it was not just the extras with the uh natural teeth, it was the big stars. Glad that has changed and VERY glad that I do have this God-given trait. Now, mine are not SUPER white like just out of a bleach bottle, but they are nice and natural white. Fluorescent white teeth sometimes do not look right. If someone has a tan, the glow can be blinding- very movie star. Truthfully, I have thought about teeth whitening many many times. But, until I can afford it, I will make up bad things to say about them and make myself feel a little better that I do not have them.

I have also noticed that women try to get a "natural look" to their makeup. Uh....once again...HELLO?! It is not natural to be flawless. It's a dream! It's a freakin' fantasy people! People have pores! OK?! Get over it folks. I have accepted the "natural" look happily and continue on with my Mommy Routine For The Stars and do not wear any makeup. What the heck? Why draw more attention to myself and attract even more paparazzi? I already have three children and a husband screaming my name 24 hours a day! How could I ever desire more? MOMMY?! MOMMY WHO?!