Friday, March 20, 2009

Choosing Your Battles

As a wife, I believe the key to happiness in relationships of many kinds is the ability to choose your battles. When is the topic of conflict worth all of the inevitable crud that comes with arguing? How can you stand your ground on issues while not bitching about everything that does not go your way?

My husband and I are very different people. We always have been and always will be. Both of us see the end point, but our pathways to achieving that goal are almost always different. We have bickered and bickered about this fact and have finally settled. We can be as different as night and day, like oil and water and sunshine and darkness. But in the end, we agree. He drives fast, I drive the speed limit, but we always get there. He blares his music and I have mine at the level of background music; we both get our money's worth out of our XM membership. I care about the bottom line, he cares about every detail. Now, that's not to say that I am not detail-oriented at all, just he is more detail-oriented than I (and more than most people for that matter). His attention to detail will eventually be discussed in a future blog I am sure. But, in the issues that really matter, we always (or at least most times) see things eye to eye.

So, because there are so many differences between us, there are many conflicts. With all of the minor disagreements, is it really necessary to argue my point on every issue? This begs the questions: Does this make me a doormat? Does this make me a weak individual? Does the fact that I don't always feel the ends justify the means allow me to be bowled over by my husband's strong personality?

I found out recently that a member of our family considers me a doormat. I just find that so curious. I am someone who does not back down, someone who is not a limp noodle and really stands my ground. So, for someone to think I am a doormat really makes me realize even more that some people, even family, do not know me very well. If the end of the road is the same, how we get there does not always matter. But if it does, trust me, I will go down fighting.


Kelly L said...

Comprising in marriage is not being a doormat..It's joining two different personalities together...also known as marriage. Loved your description

Anonymous said...

One more thing, don't let what others think sway your actions or decisions. Be true to yourself and to your heart. In the end you live with the decsions you make.