Monday, June 29, 2009

Change: Better Late Than Never

I believe that I stated a while back that I have a huge issue. Well, truthfully, I have many but I am talking about the one that involves me not considering myself as someone important. To put it simply: I am not a priority of mine. I know, this sounds a bit silly or even contrived, but it is not. I have battled this for years...and years...and years. I was like this long before I met my now-husband. I know it was there in my first marriage. And, unfortunately, it can be a devastating thing. There is no doubt that this directly contributed to the decline of my first marriage. Therefore, it is essential that I deal with this issue head on. I suppose it is better late than never.

For some reason, I tend to overlook myself way too much. Although the whole concept of compromise is expected in a marriage or in motherhood, the level of compromise to which I am referring is unhealthy. Parenting and marriage should not take away your self worth. And, for some reason, unbeknownst to me, I fall in this path over and over. Now that I have children, it is even worse. My children have become a few more people on my list of "People Who Need Me More Than I Need Me". I have to consciously try to divert myself from these kinds of thoughts and actions. It is a real struggle for me; but, one that I am poised to deal with forever. The positive side of this is that I know that I have this problem and am actively trying to keep it in check. If I do not, eventually, I am no longer myself. I somehow lose me. I, me, Crystall,.... I am someone special.

So, in response to my new mindset of making myself happy and no longer forgetting about my own importance, I have begun changing things. Here are a few major changes I have made in the last two to three weeks: (Please note that some of these I do commonly and quite passionately for my children and husband but not for myself)

1. I got my hair highlighted and cut

2. I got a manicure and pedicure

3. I set up some doctor appointments for myself and I am going

4. I started eating more vegetables and fruits

5. I started a very consistent workout schedule

6. I have started to cut excess sugar from my diet (cutting out fat doesn't work if you replace it with two tons of sugar) This is a real bummer.

7. I set up an appointment for a massage and facial with my gift cards that are from two years ago and I am going

8. I forgave myself for not having used over $100 worth of gift cards (from Rick) to a spa before they expired

9. I forgave myself for the house not being sparkling, the laundry not being completed, and not always being happy. It's OK.

10. Mostly, I have forgiven myself for not being perfect. Because I am not. And, I never will be.

We'll see how this goes. It's a good start.


Lady Mama said...

Good for you! Sounds like a very positive start. Sometimes I need reminding of this too.

Crystall said...

Lady: You always leave such nice comments. Thanks!