Monday, June 22, 2009

A Peek Into Our Marriage (Yeah, we're BOTH crazy)

The crazy-girl medicine that I was prescribed a little over a month ago seems to be working. I feel much more grounded emotionally without being a totally different person. I am sad that hormones, stress and life in general has affected me this way. I pray that this fix will be temporary.

One of the biggest things that I have noticed about being a mother is the extreme pressure, or rather, it may just be my perception of it. The pressure from my spouse, pressure from society and self-induced expectations that have all come together to put me right on the edge of a cliff, teetering between sanity and a breakdown. My husband has tremendously improved in this aspect over the last two years, since being diagnosed with OCPD. People with OCPD expect perfection in others as well as themselves. As for me, I am far from perfect. Now, he could not be a more supportive or a more loving husband. I am truly very lucky to have him.

But, in the past, we really put the FUN in dysFUNction. I was running around here for years trying to please him (and everyone else-like I always do. Helloooooo- another wacko trait.) And, my efforts seemed to never be quite enough. He was slowly realizing that perfection is unattainable but had a hard time retraining his brain to think differently. Together, in accepting one another completely, faults and all, we have really become each other's rock- just as it should be. We now help one another in the on-going internal fights each of us deals with.

Now, just for clarification, I am not at all saying that we have not had a wonderful marriage prior to all of this discovery and change. We have. But, it has not been without some really turbulent times (and some really wonderful times). Our differences are great, but as in the beginning, we attract and truly compliment one another. As long as we continue to make ourselves and our family a priority, we (as a team) will be successful at reaching whatever goals we set before us.


Lady Mama said...

I SO hear you about the whole striving for perfection thing. It really is insane when you think about it...

Great to hear that you're feeling better - makes all the difference in the world when you feel okay. And that's wonderful that you've arrived at that understanding with your husband. Sounds like you have a very healthy relationship.

Mom Mayhem says: said...

Glad things are working out better! We're all definetly not perfect-But, also understand the trying to be.