Sunday, April 19, 2009

Honesty Honestly

I have skipped writing blogs for a few days here and there over the last week or so. I do not like doing that and hope that the readers that I do have will bear with me. I have had two situations come up that really occupied a lot of my thinking and really made it difficult to let out my creative side. I will explain the basics so that you will perhaps understand my absence. Further discussion will inevitably be a part of a future blog or two....or twenty, when the timing is more appropriate.

First, someone in my family was recently diagnosed with ovarian cancer. The "family" reference is a little complicated with this story, but this person was a very important part of my daily life at one time. She still remains one of the most dynamic people in my life; although, our relationship is distant. I would not be the same person had it not been for this person's influence, guidance, acceptance and love. I owe her a great debt of gratitude. The news of her illness was not only packed with shock, denial, and sadness, but was also another door to my past suddenly flung ajar.

Additionally, I received information via mail carrier that has the potential to rock my entire family. This information is huge and for now has to remain somewhat a secret until the details are confirmed as truth. I will say, though, that I will only remain silent until it is more appropriate to divulge such information. I am sure that once the cat has been let out of the bag, I will need extensive therapy. This blog will inevitably be my therapy.

Now, about keeping this big secret, it stinks! I hate this. This is such a large issue that I need to talk about it. I need someone else to know. I loathe dishonesty. I especially want to be forthright with the people that this will eventually affect. Secrets eat away at me. I feel like this must be some personality trait of mine. I would love to say that the reason I always have so many things to tell is because I am honest. Well, although that may be true on some level, I really feel that sometimes I just have to have someone else hear (or read) what I am going through. Is it that I want to share my pain? Hm. I don't know. Is that why woman always blab? Blahbitty blahbitty blahbitty blah! Do women just HAVE to run their mouths to feel better? Maybe I do. Is this the deep down roots of gossip?

When I decided to start writing this blog, I wanted it to be honest. I wanted my true self to shine through. I wanted to be open with myself and with whoever chose to read about me. Mostly, I wanted to openly write about the things that have made me who I am today. Maybe I wanted to share some of the happiness and some of the pain. I wanted to share who I have become and where one day I would like to end up. I wanted to write about my children- both great and horrible days at home with them. And, how it is OK to have both. I wanted to share both my triumphs and tribulations as a mother. I wanted to pose questions about life and motherhood that make people think-the same ones that make me think. This blog is honestly me.

So, don't worry- I don't keep secrets. If I have missed a few blogs, you will definitely hear why! By the way, the skipped blogs are hopefully a thing of the past. In the blogging world, if you write occasionally, people will only read occasionally. Honestly, I better get writing!

1 comment:

Kelly L said...

I am the worst secret keeper.. Everything just kind of falls out of my would think after 43 years..I would have some control.. I will pray for your family member and your secret for the best outcome for all.